Circumstance
by Maxi-Luca
Summary: Two friends, the people around them, and the horrible circumstance they're in.  Let no love fall victim to circumstance... Spemily.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing.**

**Author's Note:**** Okay so, I had another story started, it had no plan, but it was going to be a Spemily AND I had randomly, unintentionally went toward a love-triangle but… My stupid ass got my three finished chapters deleted, along with other stuff. But, I'm trying this Spemily out again, only because I need the distraction (And because it's leap year! Woot!) Warning, this is extremely light on the dialogue and HEAVY on emotions and thoughts of Spencer. Also, I totally stole the idea of tweaking the ending of "The Naked Truth" in way of a Spemily friendship from Spinoza-off's one shot "Without A Home." Which is amazing, by the way. Their whole Spemily saga is fucking amazing. You read that now!**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

"If I had known before, then I'd have made a different decision and you wouldn't be here," Veronica Hastings said in a desperate attempt to make her youngest daughter understand how she could have forgiven her husband so easily, well not exactly easily, for his affair so many years ago. "Let's go home, you can talk to your father."

"No," Spencer said sharply, "I don't want to talk to him. I don't want even to look at him!" Spencer was on the verge of tears, her whole body shook, her whole body ached. Her head felt a little fuzzy, like it was all a bad dream after eating something that was slightly spoiled, not enough to realize it while eating it, but knowing now that something was wrong. All Spencer could do to keep herself composed was to hold herself, gripping herself tightly with her crossed arms.

Veronica looked at her daughter, and a part of her looked at her with pride. Though Spencer was visibly upset, and who could blame her, she hadn't broke down, she hadn't screamed wildly or bawled her eyes out. She handled the sudden news of a half brother, a boy she grew up knowing as Jason DiLaurentis, Alison's older brother who was always drinking and getting high, this boy, now a young man, was her half brother. But still, all relationships with all parties didn't have to change. "Spencer, this doesn't change anything-"

"No, this changes _everything_!" Spencer shouted, her arms no longer crossing her chest in a subtle sign showing she was no longer scared. She was angry and she would not show vulnerability.

"Honey, please, let's go home," Veronica pleaded.

Spencer looked at her mother in disbelief, "What is home?" she said almost cynically, "That's a joke." Taking her first few steps back down the hallway, Spencer kept eye contact with her mother, turning her head to keep that contact and she walked, signaling to her that she was done with this conversation. There was nothing left that could be said.

The damage, no matter how old it was, was done and now there was something astronomical to deal with. Spencer had a half brother. A half brother who was also a half brother to Alison. Walking down the hallway, her bravado finally dissipating, Spencer hugged herself, trying to keep her composure. She wouldn't lose it, she couldn't lose it. She needed to hang on, just for a few more steps until she got to the restroom.

Finally, she had made it. Without hesitation she pushed the door open with such force that it hit the wall behind it. Spencer grabbed the handle and forced it closed right away then walked further into the restroom and bent down, checking the stalls, making sure no one was in them. When she saw the coast was clear, she slowly turned toward the mirror and took slow steps forward until she reached the sink, never once breaking eye contact with herself.

She looked so much like her father. So much like her mother. The same shade of brown of their hair, same shade for her eyes. She looked like a perfect, genetic mix of both of them. Just like her sister. But Jason, he had his mother's colors, he looked so far removed from Melissa and herself that Spencer never even had an inkling. But as she continued to stare at herself, she began to notice it, she saw what was her father in her face. She saw Jason.

It was then, with those small realizations, she felt the pain in her chest. Her eyes stung and her vision blurred and she couldn't hold back the sob that came out. The sob was so powerful it heeled her over and she had to grab onto the sink so she wouldn't fall. Soon enough another sob followed, and another as the tears fell from her eyes.

Her whole life had been a lie. At least a majority of it. Always assuming they were this family with the need to excel, to be perfect. Her parents, particularly her father, almost demanding perfection of her, demanding her to be like her sister. His illusion that it was all about them, about her and Melissa. Her, Melissa, and their mother. They were his world. But that wasn't true anymore. Was it ever true?

The tears and the sobs stopped and Spencer's head came up and she looked at herself again. She wouldn't be some perfect specimen. She wouldn't be _his_ pet project anymore. Her father lost that right to claim anything on her. Turning on the faucet, Spencer splashed her face with cold water, letting the liquid drip down her face, taking her tears with it down the drain, forever to be banished from her being. But how would she live now? Knowing her father cheated, and a child was produced by that affair. But not just any child. Jason.

_He lied,_ she thought to herself, _He lied to all of us this whole time._ "I can never trust him again," she said out loud. And then another thought: her mother. She had lied too. Albeit, not as horribly as her father, but still, her mother had never told them, had just thrown it on the back burner. "I can't trust either of them." _Who can I trust?_

Almost like a zombie, Spencer grabbed a few towels and dried her face before making her way back out. She didn't even pick up her feet off the floor and let them almost drag. Her normal walk, back straight and chin up, was gone. She was defeated. It was as if the world went grey, everything she knew was a lie, everything was turned upside down, and nothing would ever be the same again. Indeed, everything has been changed, the players were all the same but the roles had changed. What game was it now?

Suddenly she remembered an old episode of "Veronica Mars" where Veronica found out there was a chance she might have been another man's daughter and therefore had inadvertently dated her half brother. Of course that turned out to be untrue, she was a true Mars, but still, the shock was there and the shock was the same. But was it Jason who was Veronica or was she? It didn't matter. All that mattered was that the her whole world stopped. Right now, she didn't give a damn about A, she didn't give a damn about the phone number in Vivian Darkbloom's coat, she didn't give a damn about anything.

An hour or so, she couldn't tell, had past and it was time for "lights out" as the faculty said, as if they were at some godforsaken camp. That was unfair. Now she was just angry and lashing out, mentally anyways, at every little thing.

Her friends gathered around where she was at near a window. Her sleeping bag was already set, she was laying in it with her back turned away from everyone else. She tuned out their chatter, really not wanting to be involved and pretended to be asleep. Though her eyes were closed, the images didn't stop appearing. So many memories flashed before her closed eyes, some fast, some slow. Images of Jason as a boy, as a teen, and finally as an adult. She watched him grow up just as he watched her grow. Neither one knowing that they were related. So many times she'd slept over at Alison's, so many arguments with him, always bumping heads. There was even a time she believed he killed Ali. Had she believed it was on purpose? By accident? Some drug induced fit of rage? She couldn't even remember anymore. Would she still believe it now that she found out she was related to him?

Spencer's eyes flew open as she exhaled. Her chest was tight and she felt like she was having difficulty breathing. She threw the top of the sleeping bag off of her upper body and sat up bringing her knees to her chest hugging them tightly. _What's going on?_ she thought to herself. Her heart pounded in her chest and she could feel the blood pumping in her ears. It was almost painful as she brought up her hands to cover her ears. Her eyes shut tight and she clenched her jaw as more images of her past, memories of lies flashed. Then she saw her father. All his fake smiles and condescending looks.

The pounding stopped and Spencer opened her eyes and slowly brought her hands down away from her ears. Her breathing grew more shallow and steady. What was she to do? She was all alone in this Hastings World. No one to trust. No father, no mother, no sister, no anyone. Could she trust Jason? Why would she? She snorted at the idea. She had never trusted him before and just because they now shared DNA, there was no reason to trust him now. He had never given her any reason to trust him, especially how shady he was and his involvement with Ian and Garret and their N.A.T. club of freaks.

What to do?

With a sigh, Spencer looked around and saw everyone sound asleep so she glanced at Emily's phone which laid in between them. It read 2:05AM. Everyone had been asleep for four hours and she'd been haunted by memories. Had she slept and just dreamt those? She didn't know but she decided she didn't want to lay down anymore and rose up, letting the cover of the sleeping bag fall haphazardly to the floor and walked to the window. There were chairs piled on top of each other and she leaned on them and just stared outside, stared at a big open world. A world filled with lies. Lies parents told their children, lies children told their parents. The world was nothing but lies.

After a while, Spencer sat on the higher pile of chairs and brought up her feet and placed them on the smaller pile and leaned against the window, still staring out, but not really staring at anything in particular. That's when she heard someone stirring, but she didn't turn around.

Nearby, Emily Fields turned and woke. Her eyes were blurry and she closed them only to reopen them in an attempt to get them to focus better in the extremely dim light of the cafeteria. With an exhale, she slightly stretched her back and picked up her head, opening her eyes wider. Spencer was no longer next to her. For a moment, Emily's heart skipped a beat and she felt the panic tickling her at the edge of her mind. But it was held at bay when she turned her head and saw her friend sitting by the window.

"Spencer?" she whispered, her voice riddled with sleep, "What time is it?" No exactly what she had wanted to say but it was what came out.

Spencer turned and stared at Emily then shrugged with annoyance. Why did Emily have to wake up? Why did _anyone_ have to wake up? Spencer wanted nothing more than to be left alone. But she wasn't that lucky, she knew. Hearing Emily move around, Spencer knew her friend was pushing back her own sleeping bag and wobbly got to her feet. Spencer couldn't help but roll her eyes. As much as she loved Emily, she really did not want to talk to anyone or to deal with anything. She really didn't want company.

Emily made her way and stood in front of Spencer, who did not even glance in her direction, and held up her phone, "Spence," she said, "I got, like, six missed calls from that number." She brought up her cell phone to show Spencer.

Suddenly, Spencer snatched the phone from Emily's hands and she stared at it. For a long few, intense seconds, Spencer was completely frozen and Emily thought she looked like stone. "Why didn't you answer?" she asked Emily, her voice sharp. She almost sounded as if she was chastising Emily.

Taken back at Spencer's sudden sharpness, Emily said, defending herself, "Because I was asleep? And it was on silent," she added as an after thought.

"Damnit," Spencer said, clearly annoyed and upset at the situation.

All Emily could do was stare. Was Spencer blaming her for missing the calls? "What's the matter with you? It's not like I missed the calls on purpose," she whispered harshly.

"We have to call back, now," Spencer said without looking up. She opened the options on the phone and was about to hit the call back button when Emily's hand grabbed her wrist. Finally, Spencer looked up and found Emily's eyes, her pleading eyes, eyes that always said she had a shoulder to cry on. But not tonight. "What?" Spencer couldn't understand why Emily had stopped her.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked again, almost desperately.

"Nothing," Spencer replied, only this time, it wasn't as strong as before. Finally she was beginning to break. Damn Emily and her doe-like eyes that were so safe and so inviting. Spencer quickly turned away, breaking eye contact, not wanting to get stuck and sucked into the safe zone.

"Spencer," Emily pleaded again, this time, she gently grabbed onto Spencer's forearm. "Talk to me. What's going on?" Her voice was gentle. It was warm. It was inviting.

Spencer's wall was cracking and her guard was dropping. She couldn't allow anyone in, not yet, not until everything blew over. And even then, would it be okay? "I can't talk about it."

"What did A do?" Emily asked protectively.

Spencer shook her head, almost dejectedly, "A didn't do anything. They knew what was going on, but for once, A didn't do it." Spencer wasn't even looking at Emily anymore, she was looking right off to her side, down the hallway, but not really looking _at_ anything.

"I don't understand," Emily said, tilting her head to try to make eye contact with Spencer.

Finally Spencer looked at Emily, "I can't," she whispered, her sound cracking. It was happening, Spencer couldn't hold herself together anymore as the sting in her eyes increased and her vision blurred. The sobs came out and she hung her head. Emily wasted no time and wrapped her arms around her friend and said nothing. No words could be said right now. She knew exactly what Spencer needed and it wasn't words of encouragement or anything of the like, she needed comfort. Pure comfort that could only be given through a loving hug and Spencer accepted it without hesitation. Spencer buried her face in Emily's shoulder and cried, gripping onto Emily's shirt tighter. She felt Emily's arms tighten around her. Of all the crap that happened tonight, Spencer only felt safe in Emily's hug. She knew she could no longer seek comfort or safety in her parents or her family, but in so many aspects, her friends _were_ her family. They were the only people she could truly be herself with. Confide her fears, her true ambitions, everything, only with them. Especially Emily.

After a good cry, Spencer composed herself and wiped at her face, "Sorry," she sheepishly said.

"It's okay," Emily replied.

"Look," she paused and breathed in, "I can't talk about it. Not yet, but I promise I will. Later."

Emily nodded, "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"I promise."

"Spencer, you know I'm always here if you need me, right?"

"I know.

"Even if it's just a hug."

Spencer smiled, "I know."

For a moment they stared at each other, Spencer thinking how lucky she was having a friend like Emily. Then suddenly she remembered the missed calls. "Hey, what time was the last missed call at?"

"Uh," Emily stammered, looking at her phone, "About 12:15. It's already 3AM, this person is probably asleep."

Spencer nodded in agreement, "We'll call first thing in the morning."

"Okay," Emily agreed. She suddenly became very tired again, "You want to try and get some sleep?"

With a weak smile Spencer replied, "I'll try.

_To Be Continued…_

**Author's Note:**** So obviously this will be slightly AU in the sense it's heading toward a Spemily. Originally I was going toward a love triangle, we'll see if I go that route again.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars," it belongs to Sara Shepard, Marlene King, and ABC Family. **

**LaughLoveLiveXx: Wow! You reviewed VERY fast. I think I want to have your babies. Thank you.**

**Spinoza-off: I'll always want to have your babies. And thank you! I like your Emily myself and I agree, Spencer definitely is the more tragic character of the girls. And don't worry, there is MUCH angst on the way.**

**In-due-time: HAHA I was thinking the SAME thing, grateful Spencer never kissed or had naughty thoughts about Jason. I got queasy when Veronica Mars put it together she MIGHT have been Duncan's half-sister and SO relieved that they weren't related because I totally shipped them. Well, after Veronica/Meg anyways.**

**To anonymous person who said I needed a disclaimer: EVERY chapter of any fanfic I write always has some form of disclaimer. I'm not an avid fanfic writer but I not a newbie. And I didn't borrow anything but the tagline from "Circumstance." ;-) And even then , I don't think a disclaimer is necessary for a tagline.**

**To everyone else: I LOVE YOU ALL! Lets all have each other's babies! And it might be a few chapters before any real Spemily.**

**Author's Note:**** Once again, no actual plan for this other than it's going to follow the series, at least for the noir/A part, anyways, because unfortunately, Spemily isn't cannon. I'll be skipping around the episodes, trying to be all "behind the scenes" with the interactions, but I might mix stuff up just a tad bit. I have a few chapters already written, but don't expect a posting every other day because… Well, I'm unreliable.**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

Days had passed since the entire student body was forced to attend truth day. The girls had met with the man behind the phone number, Jonah, who had had information regarding A. That was another shock, that Alison was A's first target, long before any of the girls. Maya had left Emily because Emily wouldn't run away with her, and of course because Maya had lied to her about smoking pot. Caleb was almost arrested because A had planted stolen information on his laptop and Garrett happily confiscated it. It would have been a horrible situation if not for Hanna and Spencer.

Spencer.

Emily stared at the clock, chin on hand, waiting for her class to be over so that she could start the weekend. She really wanted this weekend to be A-free and she knew that Spencer needed it the most. She still hadn't talked to her about what was bothering her that one night, and she'd still been very distracted. It couldn't be about Toby, no one heard from him in almost a month. What could it be? Spencer, though usually focused on the current investigation, was too focused. It was almost as if everything except A and everything revolved around A didn't exist. No, that wasn't completely true. Spencer may have been distracted, but she did hint that whatever was bothering her was due in part by her family. And, of course, she would still communicate with her about her swimming and whatever else was going on in Emily-world, but nothing about herself. Spencer was constantly asking how she was after Maya left, probably because she was the first person she told about what happened. So now, she was able to join her and Aria in the heart break department.

The bell rang, and almost instantly all the kids rose from their desks, very few gathered their things, most already had their items packed up, Emily being the former, and bolted for the door. Emily took her time to gather her stuff and slowly made her way out of the classroom. She needed to take care of her part for the swim team program, but first, she needed to meet with the girls for their plan of action on getting the $2000 that Jonah demanded for the information Vivian Darkbloom demanded.

Once she turned the corner, she saw Spencer, Aria and Hanna all gathered by her locker. The corners of her mouth barely turned upward, it was just the delight and relief of seeing Spencer with another look, besides worry, on her face. On her long legs, Emily strode to the group and as she got closer, she had heard Hanna mentioning that Mona was now receiving messages from A. _What the…?_ Emily thought. As soon as she reached them she asked, "Mona's getting messages from A now?"

"Yeah," Hanna replied, "She was telling me earlier."

"So, what does this mean now?"

"It means no one around us is safe," Spencer said, her voice almost flat.

It was a bad situation all around and they all knew it. Aria worried about Mr. Fitz and Holden, Hanna already dealt with Caleb and now she had Mona to worry about, Spencer had to break her own heart to keep Toby safe, which didn't even pan out all that well as he still got hurt, both physically and emotionally, and Emily herself had endured a sabotage of her swimming career plus an ulcer. She was suddenly happy that Maya had left, she couldn't bare if something had happened to her, despite her lying.

"You should keep an eye out for Holden," Spencer added. "So, are we on for today then?" she asked Aria, who nodded.

"Wait, what's happening today?" asked Emily.

"We're meeting Jonah at 4," Aria said with hesitation, "But not all of us are gonna go, it's just me and Spencer so we'll meet up with you afterwards?" she finished quickly, hoping, but knowing better, to end the conversation.

Both Hanna and Emily couldn't believe their ears. Hanna closed her eyes and shook her head, "Why just you two?"

"Because I'm the face that he knows and she's the bank," Aria replied as a matter of factly.

"Yeah," Spencer interjected, "If we crowd him he might think something's up."

"Something _is_ up," Emily impatiently said, her voice raising in volume, "We're finally going to find out who's been torturing us since Ali's funeral and, hello, I kinda wanna be there for that."

"Volume," Spencer warned. They locked eyes, almost in an intense battle for dominance. It was few and far between when Emily actually spoke up and bit at anyone, especially her friends. Although Spencer was emotionally drained, she couldn't help but feel a bit of pride in Emily. Ever since their community service and their ploy of being at each other's throats, Emily has definitely gained even more confidence. She wasn't afraid to stand up for herself anymore. How could Spencer _not_ admire that?

"Hey, ladies," Mona interrupted, at good timing too.

"Hey," all but Hanna moaned out. While Mona took Hanna away, Emily and Spencer continued to look at each other. Though Spencer had been wearing the same face, more like a mask, for a while lately, Emily had fire in her eyes. She was upset, and rightfully so, but this was something both Spencer and Aria thoroughly agreed on. It had to be only them two to meet up with Jonah.

"We all deserve to know," Emily said, her back straightening, making her taller, more powerful.

"It's not like we're going to keep this information to ourselves, Emily," Spencer reasoned, with Aria nodding.

Jaw clenching, eyes almost burning, Emily had a lump in her throat. It was something she was having trouble to accept but she knew they were right. If she were to think of it logically. "Fine, whatever," Emily finally said, defeated.

"Don't worry," Aria said reassuringly, "We'll call you as soon as we finish with him. Okay?"

"Yeah."

Aria touched Emily's arm and gave her a gentle squeeze before walking away with Spencer in tow. Emily was pretty upset and she looked down at her feet and kicked at the ground. She looked back up and turned toward the direction her friends were walking and saw their backs. Just as she was about to walk away toward the gym, Spencer turned back around and they locked eyes once again and she gave Emily a small, weak but promising smirk that only Spencer could convey with a message of reassurance. Emily couldn't help but smile back and nod. Spencer turned back around and her and Aria disappeared around a corner then Emily took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. It was unbelievable, all the things they've endured up until now. Shaking her head, trying to clear all the angry thoughts, she began to walk in the direction of the gym.

SSS

Hours passed and the girls had gotten together later that night to share the information Jonah had given Spencer and Aria, though they weren't happy it was just an address and not a name or anything more solid. However, in true Rosewood fashion, another wrench was thrown into the gears. Caleb e-mailed Hanna more of the video he'd been decoding which revealed the mystery person: Melissa Hastings. The girls had been ready to take the video to the police but Spencer begged them not too. It was her sister, after all. She may not have always gotten along with her but they were blood. More to deal with, more to suffer. And so, Aria, Emily and Hanna gave her one night to talk to Melissa, to get any information as to _why_ she barged into Alison's room with Ian, Garrett and Jenna. Spencer agreed, though she was resentful. She couldn't understand why having Melissa there was such a game changer. Why did it require police intervention so suddenly?

It didn't matter, she supposed.

She was more involved in this entire mystery, more than she had thought before, more than she'd like. It was so nauseating the whole situation. It was ridiculously insane and Spencer was more than neck deep, she was drowning and it seemed her legs and arms were tied preventing her from making her way back up above the water. Any light at the end of her tunnel was fading, and fading fast.

Especially that Melissa ditched her for Garrett and lied about it. That hurt more than she thought it would, more than she'd ever lead on. There she had been, trying to get an explanation that would save her from the police and she just made herself even more suspicious by getting into that car of Garrett's. What else could Spencer do but drink those burning shots of tequila while Wren watched. Everything was spiraling down in Spencer's world, yet again, just as it always did. Just as it always would.

One shot.

Two shots.

Three shots.

Four shots.

And Spencer's vision blurred. The liquor was going down her throat a lot easier than it had when she took that first shot. She was pleased with herself, in an odd way. Tequila definitely helped numb her mental pain and having Wren's pretty little charming face was a wonderful and totally cute distraction. It was exactly why she allowed him to take her to his apartment where she drank wine- or was it champagne?- and kissed him, even tried to seduce him all because she wanted to forget A, forget Melissa and forget her stupid friends who were ready to throw _her_ under the bus- oh, Emily- well, not exactly her, but her sister, so indirectly her. But, Wren, charming British Wren just _had_ to be a gentleman and put her to sleep on his couch so she could sleep off that alcohol that helped her forget. To say it was a peaceful sleep would be exaggerating, but still, Spencer actually slept despite tossing and turning until she finally fell off the couch and landed in a painful heap on the floor.

She groaned from the pain of not only falling flat on her face, but of the headache the tequila and wine or champagne running through her brain was causing. The entire room felt like it was tilting to one side, then the other and it made Spencer want to vomit like never before. She was entirely too dizzy to even get up to get back on the couch- was this a hangover yet? So Spencer stayed on the floor, raised her heavy, oh so heavy hand up and grabbed a pillow bringing it back down and she turned and got into a fetal position before falling asleep once more.

SSS

Meanwhile, Emily, Aria and Hanna had gotten directions to the address that Jonah had provided and had found what seemed like a dead end. A broke down and abandoned law firm. Things didn't quite go as plan since an alarm was still in tacked and went off sending Aria flying off the porch. The girls took off before the police could come, because they all knew that was the last thing they needed, and regrouped back at Hanna's. Aria had ended up with a pretty bad gash on her leg that she was tending to.

"Have either of you heard from Spencer yet?" Emily asked from her spot on the living room couch, bringing up her phone, checking for any text messages from Spencer. She had felt awful for the way she had talked to her friend. It was almost accusingly, as if Spencer was at fault, or so she felt she came off that way.

"No," both Aria and Hanna answered in unison.

"Do you think she's talking to Melissa?"

"Who knows," Hanna said as she furiously sat on a chair.

"She should be," Aria said, not really convincingly. Truth was, she wasn't sure if she would have been able to get a hold of her older sister, let alone get the truth from her considering the situation that had happened with Ian.

"She would have called or texted by now." Emily sat up and leaned forward, dialing Spencer's number once again and bringing the phone to her ear. After several rings it went to voice mail again. Emily didn't bother leaving a voice message, she had already left about four. "I'm getting worried." There was a dreadful feeling that was boiling in the pit of her stomach and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

"She's a big girl," Hanna said, a little too sharply for Emily's taste, "She can take care of herself."

Both Emily and Aria looked at Hanna disbelieving, Emily especially. It was hard for to grasp why Hanna was so upset with Spencer, surely she understood it? It took a while for Emily, but she eventually got it, she got _why_ Spencer didn't want to take damaging evidence to the police involving her sister. Aria got it before either of them. "Han," Aria said, "Don't be so hard on Spencer."

"We finally got _some_thing to show the police, something to do with Ali's murder, something that could move the arrow away from us, but she doesn't want to show them."

"It's her sister."

"Yeah, a really shady sister that was always so horrible to her."

"If it were Mike, I'd do what I could to clear him. I tried to protect him when he was breaking into other people's houses."

"Yeah, but you're close to Mike," Hanna said sitting up and staring directly into Aria's eyes, "Melissa hates Spencer and Spencer hates Melissa for as long as I could remember."

"But they're still siblings."

Hanna shook her head, "I just don't understand."

"It's because you don't have a sister." Aria looked back down at her leg, upset with Hanna. She knew Hanna wasn't even trying to understand the situation from Spencer's perspective.

"So I couldn't possibly understand?" Hanna was getting very upset now.

"Okay, guys," Emily finally said, "Cool it." She rose from the couch and grabbed her bag and car keys, "I'm going to go look for her. Why don't you two just chill."

Without any further discussion, Emily walked out the door and got into her car. She drove to The Grille and got out to get a coffee, she hadn't realized how exhausted she was. As she waited for her coffee, she saw a reflection in the mirror, a tall-ish, skinny girl with long, wavy brown hair. "Spence," she whispered and turned around only to see a group of girls, none being Spencer. She slightly pouted before the barista let her know her coffee was ready. She thanked the girl and walked out. Emily was definitely regretting the way she talked to Spencer, how condescending she was. It wasn't that she meant to be so forceful, it's just that she got excited, in a bad way, and was ready to act without really thinking. She knew they were all being irrational, except Spencer. No, Spencer was never the irrational one, she was the one raised by lawyers and even though she always jumped at the conclusions, such as Ian or Jason being Ali's killer, it was all lawyer instinct. Point the finger, show what evidence they hand, make the suspect crack. Or was that police instinct?

She was in such a hurry she didn't see another girl walking and dumped hard, almost spilling her coffee.

"Oh," the other girl grunted, "Emily?" it was Paige, "Hi."

"Hey," Emily said lowly, not really wanting to stay and chat.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked when she noticed the sullen look on Emily's face, noticing she was ready to burst into tears at any second.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Emily replied unconvincingly. Spencer's safety was burning in her mind and it seeped to her troubled expression.

"No you're not. What's wrong?" Paige asked, genuinely concerned, "Em, talk to me."

Emily was hesitant, unsure if she should bring up her worries with Paige, knowing her and Spencer never really got along. However, Paige had changed since the last time she spent real time with her. Even earlier, when they both walked around town asking for donations, Emily saw something different in Paige, something a lot happier and more open. Then of course she found out, Paige told her she came out to her parents, and she had done it because she was inspired by Emily. It warmed Emily's heart, even made it ache a little knowing she was a good influence on something, that she helped someone bring happiness into their life by showing them it was okay to accept themselves. Maybe, this was the kind of friend Emily could confide in? "Aria, Hanna and I, we got into a huge fight with Spencer," she finally said. She stole a glance up at Paige and saw that she was listening to her intently, so she continued, "She's been gone for, like, three hours and she won't pick up her phone. She won't even return our texts."

Paige nodded as she took in the information, "Well, it _is_ Spencer. Maybe she just wants to be left alone? Just trying to sort things out?"

The thought did cross her mind, but Spencer always texted something back, at least to her she did, "I'm just worried. She's been dealing with a lot. All she's told me is that it's family drama, but she usually tells me everything. She hasn't been herself for days and with all that's happened…" Truth was, Emily was afraid Spencer would end up like Alison. She was afraid any of them would end up like Alison but Spencer seemed to be A's prime target.

"Well, what did you guys fight about?"

The question Emily was hoping wouldn't be asked, but things were never so easy, "It's," she paused, "I can't really talk about it."

Again, Paige nodded in understanding, "Okay, um, do you want help looking for her?"

It was a nice thought, but Emily knew that she shouldn't involve Paige, especially since Caleb and Mona were now being targeted and who knows what danger Spencer was heading toward. "No, thank you though." She was just so worried, all that came to her mind was the memory of Spencer confront Ian, alone, and nearly getting killed. The images were enough to bring stinging tears to Emily's eyes and she struggled to keep her composure.

"Hey," Paige said gently and hugged Emily, who returned it, "She'll be okay. She's a strong girl, just like you." She pulled away and looked Emily in the eyes, "With all the drama she's dealing with, you've dealt with some yourself, too, right?. You're strong. She's strong. Just give her time."

Emily smiled, in spite of herself, "Thanks."

A warm sensation washed over Paige, and she couldn't help it any longer and she leaned in and kissed Emily. She knew it was a stupid idea, Maya had left only a week or so prior, but she just couldn't help herself. Emily was her "one that got away" and she wouldn't let that happen again.

It took Emily a few seconds to realize what was happening, that Paige was kissing her. Although she hadn't expected the kiss, nor exactly wanted it, she didn't pull away right away. When she finally did, she slightly pushed Paige back and closed her eyes, "I can't," she said hoarsely, "I need time."

"Right," Paige said dejectedly, "You're still heart broken." Emily nodded, though she still hadn't opened her eyes. "It's okay, I get it." Still, Paige closed her eyes and couldn't help but feel a little rejected. When she reopened them, she saw that Emily still hadn't gotten completely out of her loose embrace, and that she still hadn't looked up. "Hey," she whispered to Emily, "Hey, don't worry."

"I'm sorry," Emily breathed and finally pushed away from Paige, "I'm not ready."

"I know. I'm sorry I kissed you."

Emily didn't know what to say, she was speechless. She really didn't know what she wanted, but she did know she was not ready to move on. She may have liked Paige since their first, remote date, but she was still hung on Maya and it wasn't fair to Paige to use her as a rebound.

"Listen," Paige said, "Let's just forget that this happened? Friends?" she asked, hopeful that perhaps in time, could be more. With a wordless nod, Emily agreed. "Good," Paige said with a smile, "If you need any help looking for Spencer, you've got my number."

"Thanks."

"Take care, Em."

"You too."

They parted ways, Paige taking her usual strong strides whereas Emily was weak in the knees. But she couldn't think about this, not now, not until she found Spencer. The dreadful feeling returned and poked at her like a hot fire poker. She was trying to remember where Spencer said she was going to meet Melissa and it was irritating her that it didn't come to mind, or rather it wouldn't. When she got into her car she spent a few minutes thinking. Still, her mind was drawing a blank and she wanted to scream.

The image of Spencer in the bell tower, clutching onto the broken railing like a life line was burned into her eye lids. Spencer's almost catatonic stare and she was looking toward the side and barely noticed her friends had arrived. Emily was the first to reach her and put her arms protectively around her and she swore, once she found Spencer, she would do it again.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** Well, guess I went the love triangle route after all. And rereading this, I gotta say, FUCK my writing has gone to shit. Well, in my opinion it has. I've been writing a 1****st**** person POV story for so long that this 3****rd**** person view is a little hard and I'm having trouble getting back in the swing of things. That, and I STILL don't have any real map out for this fic. I just really wanted to write a Spemily. And for the record, I like Paige, even with Emily, because Lindsey Shaw brings out the good acting from Shay Mitchell (as does Troian Bellisario) and they have such amazing, and steamy, chemistry. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars," they belong to ABCfamily.**

**LiveLaughLoveXx: The Spemily will come in due time ;) and yes, I was trying to portray that fierce caring/protective side of Emily. Notice she's always the first to reach her friends in peril? First Alison, even being the one to grab a stick, then the first to reach Spencer when Ian almost killed her. 3**

**Cha: Oh yes, when I see Lindsey Shaw or Troian Bellisario on screen with Shay Mitchell I all but die. Linds & Troi pull good acting from Shay which is why I support McFields since Spemily will never happen ****L**

**Spinoza-off: I don't know what is up with the lack of Spemily friendship lately. I mean, Spence had Emily break up with Toby for her, that's oozing Spemily-non-gay-friendship right there! Then nothing? And yeah, I needed the Wrencer scene there, but I didn't want to go too deep into it, I do not like Wren, but LOVE drunk Spencer. There's a recap on AfterEllen that mentions that Lindsey Shaw has one of the best voices on TV and Troian Bellisario knew that and put EVERYTHING she had into drunkSpencer. And Emily/Spencer dominance game is just foreplay, tehe. ;)**

**Author's Note:**** Still no direction, heh. Everything that comes out is just a continuous thought. Also, I figure I should explain the little "Let no love…" line… It's the tagline for an indie movie called "Circumstance" that came out last year I believe about two girls in Iran and in a secret relationship. Although the movie is more about personal freedoms than lesbianism, it's really good, I recommend it. **

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

"_Good morning!" Spencer happily exclaimed as she rounded the stairs and almost skipped her way into the kitchen where her mother was preparing breakfast and her siblings, Melissa and Jason, both sat eating. _

_They both looked up and smiled wishing her a good morning as well. Spencer made her way to the island counter and sat next to Jason, perfectly sandwiching him in between the girls. He looked at her with a curious look on his face and asked, "Why are you in such a good mood?"_

_Spencer shrugged, "We have an important field hockey game today."_

"_Oh, right!" Melissa said, "It's against St. Joseph's Prep, right?"_

"_Mhmm," Spencer nodded as her mother piled eggs onto the plate in front of her. "Thanks, Mom."_

"_You're welcome," Veronica said as she put the pan back on the stove and went to pour herself a cup of coffee._

"_Are you ready for those tough Catholic girls?" Jason asked as he took a sip of his coffee._

"_You bet," Spencer replied._

_Melissa began spreading jam on her toast, "Has Ian been tough on practices?"_

"_Oh, man," Spencer laughed, "You have no idea. He's been, like, super strict on training for the past couple weeks."_

"_Well," Veronica said, walking back to the island, facing her children, "He's a very dedicated coach. He wouldn't be tough if he knew you girls couldn't handle it."_

"_Yeah, but, he's not being extra hard on you, is he Spencer?" Melissa asked in a protective, sisterly manner._

_Jason nodded, "Yeah, because since you are his sister-in-law he might expect a little more from you, but if he's being too tough-"_

"_He's not," Spencer clarified with a slight roll of her eyes. She always hated when her older siblings got so protective. It was the one true downfall of being the youngest, everyone was always so smothering and they would just go mad if anything were to happen to her. "He's fair to all of us." When she looked at her siblings, she saw the skepticism on their faces, "Seriously!" Spencer laughed out. "He's no tougher on me than on Megan Ligons."_

"_Okay," Jason said._

"_Just let me know if Ian acts like a tyrannical coach, okay?" Melissa said._

"_Now why would you use 'tyrannical?'" Ian asked as he entered the house from the back entrance near the stove._

_Veronica jumped a little, "Ian," she said, almost choking on her coffee, "You scared me."_

_Ian smiled, but sincerely said, "I'm sorry, Mom." Then proceeded to hug her._

"_You know, Ian, he's always so-" Jason started._

_But Ian stopped him, "Don't say another word," he warned with a joking smile. _

_Spencer smiled at the interaction with her brother and brother-in-law. They had known each other for so many years, they already acted like brothers and when Ian finally married Melissa, it was a celebration. The only person missing was their father but he left some time ago, took off with Jessica DiLaurentis and went and became step father to Alison, a girl she thought was her friend, until she found out Alison was hiding that Spencer's father was having an affair with her mother and taking money from him. Their money. _

"_Mom," she said, "What's on your agenda for today?"_

_Veronica looked up from her coffee, "Just handling the usual delinquent cases at the office, nothing I can talk to much about, Spence," she warned with a smirk. Though she was proud her youngest was interested in law._

"_Oh, shoot!" Jason exclaimed, "I'm going to miss my train." He hurried, grabbed his bag from the ground and quickly gave Spencer a kiss on the head, hugged Melissa and his mother and gave Ian and light punch on the arm. "Have a good day, everyone. Good luck on the game, Spencer!" And he left out the front door._

"_I should be going too," Veronica said as she gathered her brief case, "Lock up?" she looked at Spencer, Melissa and Ian._

"_Of course," Spencer said._

"_Good bye." And Veronica left out the back door._

"_Spence, you need a ride to school?" Ian offered._

"_No thanks, Toby should be coming soon. He's going to take me." As if on cue her phone beeped, "Oh," Spencer looked at her phone and smiled, "There he is now. I gotta go." She got out of her chair, put her empty plate in the dish washer, grabbed her bag and started walking out, "Later guys!"_

_Once she was outside she couldn't help but smile when she saw Toby's truck. Her smile grew wider and more excited when she saw his head peak out from the truck. She quickly made her way to the truck and got in, right away they shared a short, but passionate kiss. "Morning," she said, staring into his eyes._

"_Morning," he said through his smile and kissed her again. "Shall we?" She nodded and he started the engine and drove off to Rosewood High._

_As they walked, hand in hand, up the stairs to the entrance, Emily, duffle bag on her shoulder, holding Maya's hand, smiled at her and Spencer smiled back. Making their way further into the school she saw Hanna and Caleb sitting at a bench, Caleb showing Hanna something on his laptop. Both Hanna and Caleb looked up and said their hellos to Spencer and Toby and they theirs. Passing several lockers and several students, Spencer glanced into a classroom and saw Aria talking to Mr. Fitz. She didn't want to bother them so she kept moving, but still, she was happy that Aria was able to transfer out of his class so then it became less awkward for both of them. And anyways, he was only going to finish off the semester then he would start teaching at Hollis College and then he and Aria would be able to publicly see each other._

_The warning bell rang and Toby turned her toward him, "So the game starts at 3:30, right?" Spencer nodded. "Okay, so I'll be there with a huge sign saying 'Spencer Rocks!' That okay?"_

_Spencer laughed and hit his arm softly, "Don't you dare!"_

_They hugged, kissed, and then went their separate ways. The day went by quickly and easily, just as it always did. The game came, it was a tough one. Jason wasn't kidding when he said that these Catholic girls were tough, they were some of the toughest players she'd ever faced off against. But Ian's tough practices and drills paid off as the Rosewood sharks were able to hold their ground, albeit barely. At the last three minutes, Spencer proved herself the star of the girl's field hockey team and scored two goals, successfully beating St. Joseph's. The Rosewood fans cheered and screamed, Spencer herself shouted into the air and fell to her knees in shear joy. The whole team ran up to her and enveloped her into a huge team hug._

_When everyone was done cheering, Spencer walked up to Toby, a huge smile on both of their faces, "That was an amazing goal, Spence," he said, proudly, and gathered her up in his arms, kissing her temple._

"_Thank you," she whispered, holding onto him. She was so content and she leaned her head against his chest and felt him place his chin on the top of her head. "It was pretty amazing, wasn't it? I'd say I'm pretty hard core."_

_Toby chuckled, "Modest much?"_

"_Hardly."_

_They separated and Toby looked into her eyes, his beautiful, intense baby blue eyes. She was so drawn to them, she could just get lost and drown in them. Slowly they leaned toward each other and her eyes closed as their lips connected. It was almost rhythmic, their lips dancing together in perfect harmony. His arms tightened around her body, her hands gripped tighter at his shirt. The change was so subtle, she barely felt it but paid no attention to it. The body she leaned against changed, it became different. Did it get smaller? She couldn't tell but she didn't stop kissing these new, softer lips. Lips. The change of the lips she felt a little more and her body tensed up. It wasn't Toby she was kissing anymore. The lips felt so soft, so warm, it was so hard for her to stop kissing them. She didn't want to stop. But she knew she had to do something and she slightly opened her eyes and as the began to focus, they didn't even fully focus, but she saw a slightly different shade of color of skin. Was is slight? Damn her eyes for not focusing. That scared her and she made a gasping noise, though her lips were still connected to this person, and at her gasp, this other person opened their eyes and they were brown orbs that stared back at her._

Then Spencer sat up in such a rush, gasped, and nearly hit her head on the coffee table that was mere inches from her. She instantly regretted waking up in such a quick fashion because the painful throbbing in her head caught up to her and slammed into her covering her in a drowning wave of nausea and vertigo. It was such a rush that Spencer had to grab the coffee table and the couch to keep herself from vomiting right then and there on Wren's floor. _I am at Wren's, right?_ she thought to herself. Then the fuzzy memories of last night came at her. The intense fight with her friends, her feelings of betrayal, from all of her friends and her sister. Then the tequila. Oh, the tequila. That one probably hurt the most, such a two face tequila was. She grunted thinking about it. Tequila. So inviting as if saying "I'll make all your problems go away," and it surely did but the consequences of such a friendship were painful the next morning. It was all she could do to make herself not throw up, she held harder on the couch and table.

As her nerves calmed, the nausea and the headache didn't subside in the slightest however, she began to think about the dream she had just had. Jason was her full blooded brother and her father was absent? Ian was alive and a good guy? She and Toby were together and happy. Emily was happy with Maya. And so were Aria and Mr. Fitz. She scoffed at this dream world of perfection. _Could never happen,_ she bitterly thought.

And what of that end kiss? She vividly remembered kissing Toby, but then in the middle of it, he changed into someone else. But she couldn't quite figure out who he changed into. Someone with a slightly different complexion and brown eyes. Who did she know that had brown eyes?

Then it hit her. It had to be him.

Wren.

She dreamt of kissing Toby and in the middle of it he changed into Wren. But why? Sure, she was attracted to Wren, but her heart still belonged to Toby. Didn't it?

The nausea and headache forgotten.

_Don't kid yourself,_ another voice said in her head, _You and Toby are over. A made sure to that._

_But,_ she thoughtfully pleaded, _I can still be in love with him._

_You don't sound so sure._ Who's voice was that? It had to be hers, but obviously in a different tone. Much like a conscience. One good, one bad. _If you were still in love with him, you wouldn't be dreaming of kissing someone else. Or trying to seduce someone into sleeping with you._

She had forgotten about that little detail. She did try to get Wren to sleep with her last night. Would that have been a good idea?

The nausea came back at full force and hit her like a mack truck. She couldn't help it and she scrambled to her feet faster than she would have thought possible and took off, headache and dizziness be damned, and ran to Wren's restroom and threw up. She heaved, vomited, and heaved again. About 10 or 15 minutes were spent kneeling to the porcelain god before she was certain there was nothing left in her stomach to regurgitate.

Slowly, she wobbled her way into the kitchen and got herself a big glass of water and drank it in one breath. She poured herself another and drank that one, taking her time this time.

She realized last night accomplished nothing. She needed to talk to her friends, her judgmental friends, and convince them to give her more time to talk to Melissa. Though, she'd made sure to leave out the fact Melissa had lied and left with Garrett. Oh, they would eat that up and use _that_ as reason enough to go to the police. Today was going to be a long day, but she wouldn't be going to school. She had a massive hang over and didn't want to deal with anyone's crap. She looked at the clock and it read 11:00. She'd sleep for another couple of hours then head home and deal with everything then. But right now, as she finished her water, the couch called her name and she sweetly answered it.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** Well that dream sequence was unexpected, but I like the way it came out. I have a question, do YOU think it's Wren our little Spencer was dreaming about? Also, now that Mass Effect 3 is coming out on Tuesday, I'm afraid this fic might end up like my Buffy and Once & Again fics. I REALLY don't want that to happen. I want my Spemily happy ending! But I want to save the galaxy (Just like Capt. Janeway!… Fuck I'm a nerd. Oh well!). I have a few more chapters already written, all the way to chapter 7 actually (chapter 6 is my FAV so far and cannot WAIT for you guys to read it), I'm just trying to stay ahead of myself but… Yeah, I'm unreliable. And I apologize for the ridiculously long A/Ns.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**** I own everything. HA!**

**Spinoza-off: I totally busted out laughing at your "Wren might have soft lips" comment, tehe. And yes, I love dream sequences. Dreams are awesome because they can be interpreted in so many ways, being the window to the subconscious and all.**

**Gaby2angel: Ssshhh… Just wait. ;)**

**LaughLoveLiveXx: Yeah, I'm bad at writing anyone drunk so, I just make them tumble because it's my specialty when I'm drunk.**

**Cha: Say thank you to your dad from me. ;D and funny you should mention Shay being half Filipino, I make note of that in chapter 6.**

**Anonymous person who said Spence & Em need to realize they want to fuck each other: You made me laugh way too loud at 2AM, but I agree. **

**Author's Note:**** Hmm, perhaps a love square is on the way? **

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

The entire night, Emily was in and out of sleep, waking up at the slightest crack the house would make. Or to a car driving down the street. A far away ambulance. Everything woke her up and she welcomed it as she had been plagued with dreams she couldn't quite remember but knew they involved a dead Alison, Maya breaking her heart, Paige trying to run her over- like that would ever happen- and a missing Spencer. The last one scared her the most. Spencer never returned her phone calls or her texts. Or anyone else's and when they called the Hastings home, there was no answer there either. All Emily could think about was finding Spencer much like Alison; dead and buried and that thought scared her hopelessly. She felt hopeless and guilty because a part of her, a big part actually, felt Spencer's disappearance was her doing. She was so ready to take someone else from Spencer's life away from her she didn't stop to think how Spencer would feel. Melissa and her may not have always gotten along but they were still sisters and Melissa was still a big part of Spencer's life and she had already lost Toby, she was drifting further away from her parents from what Emily could tell and there Emily was, ready to send someone else away. What kind of friend was she?

Needless to say, not only was she exhausted during school, she was anxious. Spencer not showing up didn't help her anxiety at all. At lunch she sat with Aria and Hanna and noticed they both looked a little troubled. "Either of you heard from Spencer?" she asked. Both Aria and Hanna shook their heads.

"I'm sure she's okay. She's just probably ignoring us," Aria said.

"Or Melissa stuffed her in the trunk of a car," Hanna added. It came off as cruel, but Hanna was genuinely concerned and she also felt incredibly guilty, much like Emily and Aria. Hanna had been the worst, however, and she knew it. After a lot of thinking, she knew she was in the wrong for jumping the gun and being so angry with Spencer. She was still angry, but not at Spencer or anyone else except herself.

"Hanna," Aria scolded, "Not funny."

"I wasn't trying to be," Hanna snapped, "Look, I know I was being stupid last night and I feel bad but I still don't trust Melissa. I probably never will. And if Spencer met up with her last night who knows what happened. Who knows if Melissa was still angry about Ian or Wren or whatever thing of Melissa's Spencer broke when she was three. Just because they're sisters doesn't mean we can trust Melissa."

Though Hanna had a point, Aria didn't think the situation would be _that_ extreme, or so she'd hope. "We can't be jumping to conclusions. After school, we'll just go to Spencer's and see if she's home. Maybe she just decided to skip today."

Emily nodded hoping that was the case. Maybe Spencer was just mentally exhausted and needed to take a personal day off.

The rest of the day passed slowly, each class seemed like an eternity and when 3:00 came, Emily was overjoyed. She couldn't wait to get off the grounds and hurry to Spencer's. She quickly made her way to her locker to put some books away and was surprised to find Paige standing there, leaning against the lockers. She slowly approached her with a curious smile on her face, "Paige?"

"Emily!" Paige exclaimed and stood up straight, "Hey."

"Hi."

Paige fidgeted on her feet, obviously a little nervous. "So, did you hear back from Spencer?"

Emily's face fell, "No." She sighed and began the combination of her locker.

"No?"

"No. She hasn't called or texted, and she didn't come to school today."

"You think she skipped today?"

Emily finished gathering what she needed and closed her locker. "That's what we're hoping. We're actually going to her house right now." She began walking with Paige following her.

"Oh, okay, then, well text me if you need anything, okay?"

"Sure." Emily smiled and stopped and looked at Paige, "And thank you. For just listening."

"No problem." Paige smiled back and they held each other's gaze for a moment before Paige said, "See ya." Then she turned and walked away.

Emily stood and stared at Paige for a moment longer, wondering exactly why she was staring, but didn't pay too much attention to it. She had a funny feeling, she couldn't quite say what kind of funny feeling, be it good, bad or other, but she had one and she couldn't dwell on it right then, she had something to do, somewhere to be.

Aria and Hanna were waiting at her car when she got there. They wasted no time and drove directly to Spencer's. Once they got there they noticed Spencer's car in the driveway. There was a small wave of relief that washed over the girls, but at the same time it made them more anxious. Now it was more than a need to find Spencer, it was almost as if they wanted to scold her for making them worry so much.

The girls all but ran up to the door. Emily got there first and rang the doorbell. Aria pulled out her phone and dialed Spencer's cell. After a minute, Emily rang the bell again and knocked. "Spencer? Mrs. Hastings?" she called out.

Aria hung up the phone, "She's not answering."

"Damnit," Hanna breathed. "I'll go around back, maybe she's in the barn." Hanna left without waiting for a response from either Emily or Aria.

Again Emily knocked at the door, this time a little too hard and with more urgency and finally the door opened and revealed a very haggard looking Spencer with bags under her eyes, paler than usual, and hair all mangled.

"Spencer," Emily said as her and Aria both wrapped their arms around Spencer, who groaned in response. "Where have you been!" she shouted more as a scolding statement than a question.

"Oh damnit!" Hanna shouted as she rounded the corner and got back on the porch, "You jerk! You had us all worried!"

"You look awful," Aria said once she got a good look at Spencer, "Are you hung over?"

"Were you drinking?" Emily said.

Spencer groaned again "Don't lecture me," she mumbled as she walked back inside, leaving the door open for the other girls to follow, "Last one in closes the door."

The girls followed Spencer inside, Aria being the last one closed the door. Spencer didn't even look back as she plopped herself back down on the couch and covered herself with the blanket, turned her head away from her friends and closed her eyes. There was thick tension in the air, so thick they could have cut it with a knife, but Spencer didn't care. Her hangover had been lasting all day, even after eating a big, greasy cheeseburger- which did help a bit- and consuming about two gallons of water making her urinate about 20 times that day. She didn't care that they were standing there staring at her. She could feel them staring at her expectantly, wanting information from her. Wanting to know if she had spoken to Melissa and where she had been. She read their texts and heard their messages, most of them anyways. Well, just Emily's to be honest. Emily's voice was the only one she cared to hear, but she wouldn't admit to it right then.

"Spence?" Emily tentatively asked.

"Hmm?" Spencer didn't bother moving nor opening her eyes.

"Okay, Spencer, you've got to start talking," Hanna said.

"Yeah, Spence, what happened last night?" Aria asked.

"And why didn't you return any of our calls or texts?" Emily added.

Spencer opened her eyes finally and brought her head up to look at her friends, "Oh, _now_ you want to hear what I have to say?" She couldn't help the bitterness in her voice.

"Spence-"

"C'mon, that's not fair," Aria tried to reason, "We got scared. There's too many people involved now."

"Yeah, people we didn't expect," Hanna added.

Spencer scoffed and closed her eyes again, vertigo hitting her slightly. She took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth. She was very angry and hurt with her friends, she really didn't feel that she owed them any explanation. Opening her eyes again she glanced toward them and their pathetic faces. Aria, with her big eyes, looked at her like a child ready to receive big news, Hanna looking annoyed, but that was just the face she wore when she was nervous, not wanting to show people what she was really feeling. But Emily, now she wore her emotions on her face and her heart on her sleeve and Spencer's strong resolve faded when she saw Emily's pleading eyes. Emily, who was always first when any of them were in trouble. Emily who'd grabbed the stick and charged forward when they all thought Alison had been in trouble- oh, what a wicked joke that was- Emily the first to reach her and wrap her arms around her shaken body that night in the church tower when she was sure she was going to die at the hands of Ian.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to Melissa," Spencer finally admitted, "She was having pains and I took her to the hospital thinking there might have been something wrong with the baby." Although Spencer felt the tension lighten a bit, she felt their anxiousness at the continuation of her story. "And I," she started, but hesitated. Did she really want to tell them a variation of the reason she'd gotten drunk? She supposed it didn't matter, they knew she had to say something about drinking as "hangover" was written all over her face. Hell, it might as well have been tattooed on her forehead. "I got drunk because I ran into Wren. I went to his apartment and passed out."

"What?" the girls exclaimed all at once.

"Ow," Spencer said, covering her ears, "Not so loud."

"He didn't take advantage of you, did he?" Aria slowly asked.

"What?" Spencer asked in disbelief, "No. Of course not." She adjusted herself on the couch before continuing, "Not that I didn't try to do something with him."

"Whoa," Hanna said with an approving smile, "Go Spencer!"

Emily glanced at Hanna angrily. She did not want to hear someone egging on someone else about drinking then having sex. But she didn't say anything. She really didn't want to start some kind of uncomfortable debate about drinking and sex and mixing both of them when one is broken hearted. And besides, the thought of Spencer and Wren made Emily feel uneasy. She couldn't quite get why, but it did. So she kept her mouth shut and crossed her arms over her chest and waited for Spencer to say something else.

"Yeah, well," Spencer said, "He didn't go along with it and anyways, I passed out on his couch. Then fell off of it at some point because I woke up on the floor and threw up."

"Ew."

"Thanks, Han." Though it was sarcastic, Spencer couldn't help but smile and let out a small laugh. Leave it to Hanna to be unintentionally insensitive, but in a funny way.

"Take it from me," Hanna started as she sat on the coffee table, "I've had my experience with drinking and throwing up isn't fun."

"Neither is the headache or the dizziness."

"You need a ton of water and greasy foods."

"I know. I drank a swimming pool's worth of water and ate a cheeseburger. I swear it was a battle just to keep that down."

Hanna giggled, "What'd you drink?"

"Tequila… And wine… I think."

"Whoa!" Hanna exclaimed proudly, "Who knew you had it in you?"

"Okay, Hanna, calm down," Aria finally said, "It's just tequila."

"Yeah, and Spencer downing it."

"Downed too much," Spencer groaned.

The girls all talked, they were all just trying to get back to normalcy, Spencer trying desperately to fight the dizziness that still plagued her, and Emily just couldn't understand why Spencer felt she had to drink alcohol to make herself feel better. Sure she had done it herself once upon a time, but it was Spencer who'd taken care of her and saw what it did to her. Saw what she felt like, more angry than anything. Angry and hopeless. It was hard to wrap her mind around Spencer's lack of communication, though the more she thought about it, the more she realized; Spencer felt alienated. That was why she chose to drink her sorrows away instead of ask for help, just the way she herself did when Maya deliberately ignored her after being sent off to juvie camp.

Just then, Emily's phone beeped and everyone jumped and looked at her expecting the worst news. She looked down at her phone and she smiled a smile of relief when she saw it was just Paige, "_Any word on Spencer?"_ it read.

"It's just Paige," Emily confirmed as she sent a reply.

"Paige?" Hanna asked, almost disgustedly.

"McCullers?" Spencer all but shouted.

Emily was taken back for a moment wondering why the outbursts from her friends. At least Aria hadn't said anything except look at her questioningly. "Yes, McCullers."

"What'd she want?" Spencer asked, almost sarcastically.

Figuring it was best to bend the truth a little, Emily didn't want to admit to talking to Paige about this particularly delicate situation, no matter how little information she gave Paige, Emily said, "Just checking in about the swim program."

"She's being nice? She hasn't tried to drown you yet?"

"She didn't try to drown me," Emily said with annoyance. It had gotten old a long time ago everyone thinking Paige deliberately attempted to drown her. She knew it wasn't like that, not really. Sure, Paige was being a jerk, but wasn't it that when someone liked someone else, weren't they always a jerk? Didn't they say "when a boy likes you, they usually treat you a little mean," or something to that affect? Although Paige was definitely not a boy, the concept still applied.

"So you guys are on speaking terms? She didn't get all threatened when you re-joined the swim team?" Hanna asked.

Emily shook her head enthusiastically, "Actually, no. She welcomed me right away." It had been true, Paige even hugged her and everything. For a moment, and it was a moment that didn't happen too often, Emily felt compelled to tell her friends the truth about her and Paige's relationship, or lack thereof. Or previous? Whatever the case may be, she had never told them about her backwards relationship. It wasn't like Paige was in the closet anymore anyways. And what would her friends do? Put out an article in the town's newspaper? "Also, I wanted to tell you guys something," she paused and looked at her friends. They all seemed very interested, "Paige is gay too."

"What?" Spencer exclaimed.

"No way!" Hanna nearly shouted.

"Wow," Aria gasped.

"Wait," it was Spencer and the gears in her mind began to turn, "Let me get this straight, she bullied you, dunked your head under water, made anti-gay comments and she was gay herself?" Emily nodded. "Huh. It makes sense. It was some self hating psychological thing the whole time."

"And we dated," Emily added, "Sort of."

This time everyone was speechless and Emily swore their eyes were bulging out of their eye sockets. It was Aria who spoke, "Come again?"

"We dated when she told me she was gay but it didn't work out because she didn't want to come out of the closet."

"But she's out now," Aria said.

"She is, and she's a totally different person," Emily said with admiration, "She's so much nicer, more confident, and just all around," she paused to find the right word, "Better."

Hanna and Aria were both obviously having trouble digesting this, but both seemed to be accepting. Accepting what exactly? Emily couldn't say, it wasn't as if she was ready to start dating Paige again. Or anyone for that matter. Not so soon after Maya had left. But then again, her and Maya were having problems ever since the disastrous dinner with her mother and Maya lying to her face just broke her heart. But what hurt the most was that Maya had been _ignoring_ her calls yet again then sent a picture of herself at the Golden Gate Bridge to say goodbye as if teasing her, saying "haha, made it without you." Then Emily noticed Spencer almost glaring at her. She knew Spencer would have the biggest problem accepting her friendship with Paige since they had known each other since freshman year and butted heads. Much like she and Paige used to now that she thought about it.

"So are you going to date her now?" Spencer asked, almost venomously. It made her upset to her stomach, it was something she just couldn't, or rather wouldn't, swallow. She'd always despised Paige McCullers and when she'd bullied Emily she'd sworn she'd confront her instead of going to the coach if she bullied her again. It didn't surprise Spencer how forgiving Emily was, but what she didn't understand was how Emily could be interested in Paige so soon after Maya. She had thought Emily was in love with Maya. She just couldn't understand. _Just like you're in love with Toby and go and try to sleep with Wren?_ the Other Voice asked. Inwardly Spencer rolled her eyes, she really didn't feel like having a battle of wits with her darker self. Not yet anyways.

"No," Emily replied, not sounding confident. "I dunno. I'm not exactly ready," she tried to say convincingly.

"Well, whatever the case," Aria said, "We can be understanding and supportive. Right guys?" Leave it to Aria, the one with the most unconventional relationship among them, to say something like that.

Both Spencer and Hanna stared a moment longer. Hanna's lips tight, she was almost chewing on the corner of her mouth but then she closed her eyes and shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Guys," Emily said, "It's not something that's gonna happen right away," she nervously laughed.

Spencer still hadn't said anything.

"Just saying that whatever the case is, _whatever_ you decide," Aria said with a supporting smile.

And still, Spencer hadn't said anything.

SSS

An hour or so passed and the girls finally decided to leave Spencer to rest and over come her hang over, she did have school tomorrow anyways. It was at night that Spencer finally let her mind wander and she thought of the dream she'd had at Wren's. Of course it was of some perfect reality where everything worked out. Didn't all dreams give the dreamer that? It was cruel because Spencer truly _felt_ all the warm emotions, the love and happiness and she longed for it. It was a world without A and without the craziness of secrets that Alison made up.

Alison.

Though Spencer did consider Alison her friend, a good friend, possibly her best friend, after Emily of course, she couldn't help hating her. Alison and her conquering ways, seeing what she wanted and taking it not caring who she hurt. If Spencer wanted to thinking radically about it, she could have said this whole mess was Alison's fault. Her eating up everyone around her, taking over; _she_ made an enemy. She made A.

But it was ludicrous to think like that and Spencer knew it. She was just tired and depressed. She couldn't blame Ali. There were other, worse Mean Girls in the world. A was just some crazy bitch who decided to not only bite back, but maul like a rabid mountain lion. Obviously there were a few screws loose in that mind and since they'd killed Ali, they wanted more fun because they were definitely a sociopath. Their misery was all a game.

"Stop," she said out loud. She didn't want to get riled up thinking about how horrible the past year had been, or how utterly unfair it had been. It wasn't as if _she_ hurt people. _Other than Toby,_ she thought to herself.

And that's when her eyes started to sting. She felt so guilty kissing Wren and trying to seduce him in her drunken state. Though she was very glad Wren was a gentleman in that he put her to sleep on his couch. But it had to have been him in her dream. Toby changed into Wren.

_Are you sure?_ the Other Voice said.

_Yes. Who else could it have been?_

_What does it all mean?_ the Other Voice was beginning to sound extremely cryptic and it was annoying Spencer.

"What does it all mean?" she asked out loud. "Hmph, it means I want normal back."

_Nothing will ever be normal again,_ the Other Voice taunted, _It never was and you know it._

It had a point and she knew it. And oh was she exhausted. Sleep came heavy on her that night and she dreamt the same perfect world again. And again, she started to kiss Toby only for him to change into the mystery person Spencer was so sure was Wren.

Morning came too fast and brutal and when she got out of bed she noticed she had a text. She rolled her eyes expecting it to be one of her friends again.

It wasn't.

"_Are you SURE you can trust who you trust? Everyone's already betrayed you once. What makes you think they won't do it again? But you can ALWAYS count on ME xoxo - A"_

Spencer's heart sank.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** Yeah, thinking I'm going to stray away from the show a bit now. I'll still add a few tid bits here and there, but it probably will only be to keep up the mystery of A because I suck at mystery. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**** Yes, I still own everything. Muahaha!… Okay, no I really don't. Unfortunately.**

**Cha: I'm not a fan of making any character evil just for the sake of story. I never felt Paige was evil, just confused. It's similar to South of Nowhere when they made Carmen abusive (not even really) to make Ashley look better. I hate that. Besides I very much like Paige so she won't be evil… Maybe heart broken but not evil. And three way? Now we know what REALLY goes on in your mind. Tehe.**

**Spinoza-off: Wow. I swear you are like my motivation. And yes, that was pretty Aria-like huh? There's a character, a sexy alien warlord in Mass Effect who's name is Aria and I always giggle because I think of PLL Aria. **

**Author's Note:**** Well, I've said before I'm about 4 chapters ahead in this story but I didn't write chapter 9 yet, but decided to post this chapter anyways because I finished Mass Effect 3, and normally I don't listen to fan boys bitching because they're usually over reacting… I have to agree this time with them. It was disappointing. I've been playing this game, invested my imagination in this game since 2008 and it disappointed me as much as the series finale of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" did. So… Be kind to me. I'm sad. :'( **

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

Several days had passed since Spencer received the text from A trying to get her to question her trust in her friends. She couldn't deny the text did get under her skin, but she refused to allow A to mingle anymore than they already do. Of course, she knew she couldn't exactly stop A but still, she needed some kind of control in her life and if make believing she had control over her emotions that A messed with, then so be it.

But she knew A was winning this particular battle because yesterday she'd realized she hadn't shown the text to her friends. A was getting her to feel alienated, much like Alison did that Halloween when she was running for class president.

"_Aren't you curious as to who your real friends are?"_

Spencer slammed her fist on her desk in frustration. She was letting A get to her. A and everything else was getting to her. Her father was trying so hard, too hard to get her approval of him back. Melissa had all but cut herself off from the Hastings only keep in contact with Spencer. It was odd how that worked out. Her and Melissa had been at each other's throats since Spencer was born and it was _now_ that they were getting along. Spencer had even had a little contact with Jason. Of course, she didn't tell him too much only that the person Alison was afraid of was sending her texts from some condemned building and that it might be a dead end. Luckily he dropped it and they'd kept in contact, albeit minimal.

Spencer slightly smiled at the thought Jason liked her better than he did Alison, after all, he very obviously respected her more than he ever did Alison.

Regardless, he couldn't help her with Melissa anymore than he could help with A. Besides, she still didn't completely trust him. Though he was probably the person she trusted the most as of late. Other than Wren.

Wren.

He was a whole other issue and it wasn't an issue she had discussed much with her friends. She didn't want to, or at least not since A sent that text to her. It definitely got under her skin, making her question her friendships. She hated it. She wished it hadn't been sent to her, but it had and she had to deal with it. Still, she couldn't bring herself to show her friends. Should she call them that anymore?

Just when a darkness was about to befall on her, she pictured Emily, Aria, and Hanna and how they came at her rescue in the church. How they all smothered her, their arms wrapped tightly around her trying to protect her. True that they almost didn't make it, and it was someone else entirely- was it A?- who knocked Ian away from her, but the fact was her friends hauled ass to get to her. And Emily beat them all reaching her first.

How A could make her question her friendship was beyond her. She felt she needed to slap herself upside the head for thinking such an audacious thought. Of course they were her friends, there should be no doubt. Stupid Alison. Stupid A. Stupid her. She desperately needed to talk to her friends and let them know what A had said. She got up from her desk and walked to her dresser where her cell was and sighed a breath of relief that there were no texts from A then went to send a mass text to her friends, _"Anyone free?" _She cupped her phone and paced her room a little feeling anxious.

The first to reply was Aria, _"Sorry. Family nite."_ Spencer couldn't help but question that as Aria had been really good about lying about her continual relationship with Mr. Fitz. She shook her head of the thought.

Then Hanna, _"At the movies w/ Caleb. Be done in like 2 hours?"_

Spencer frowned, getting a little upset. She texted back _"Don't worry about it."_ She couldn't help but feel as if she was getting the cold shoulder, but the small, logical part of her mind knew better. They still had their own lives and even though Aria had her Beard, she was still on a short leash with her parents. Especially her father. She snorted. _What a hypocrite,_ she thought about Mr. Montgomery.

She sat back down at her desk and held her phone in her hands, staring at it as if it was about to grow legs and run away.

SSS

The past week, when Emily wasn't with her friends, she'd actually been enjoying time getting to know Paige again. She had been right about her, she had changed for the better. And she'd kept her promise by keeping her distance, romantically anyways, and true to her word, she had become someone Emily could truly depend on. Currently they were having dinner at The Grille and talking about Truth Day, though Emily did leave out the part of her and Mona sleuthing through the principal's office, breaking into the computer system and essentially finding quite incriminating evidence of bribes.

"So I just stood there, in front of everyone and just said, 'I'm gay,'" Paige said proudly. It was completely confident and just so refreshing. No more was Paige seeming like she had something to prove by knocking down everyone in her path.

Emily laughed, "Wow. That's pretty daring."

"Well, if you could be outed the way you were and own it, I could blurt it out. I've always had a big mouth anyways." Almost shyly, she took a drink from her iced tea and looked off to the side.

"Well, yeah, I mean I don't have any friends who'd be singing karaoke and then pull me up on stage."

It was the first time either of them had mentioned their first date way back when. They locked eyes, both remembering how fun singing P!NK's "So What." Oh how appropriate it was now. It was obvious both were thinking the same thing and they hadn't broken eye contact.

"Here's the bill," the waitress interrupted, "Take your time."

Both girls looked away from each other and smiled embarrassed smiles as if they'd been caught looking at something they shouldn't be looking at. But what was wrong with looking at someone?

"Thanks," Emily said as she looked up at the waitress, who smiled back before walking away. Before she could turn her head back, Paige grabbed the bill right from under her nose. "Hey," she protested.

"What?" Paige dared, playfulness in her eyes.

"C'mon, Paige," Emily replied, holding her hand out silently asking for the bill.

"No, you c'mon," she laughed, "It's just fries and a quesadilla. Let me pay."

"You paid when we went to that karaoke bar," Emily challenged, raising her eye brows. Was she flirting? She definitely felt like she was.

For a moment, Paige stared at her blankly, as if that was enough reason to win this little argument. Then her eyes twinkled with a memory and she smirked an almost mischievous smirk. "Who got talked into singing?"

Emily was silent with her mouth opened and pulling at the corners. She was so embarrassed singing that night but she had to admit, it was fun.

"How about this," Paige offered, "You pay next time?"

"I'll pay the next two times," Emily countered.

"Deal." Paige rose from the chair and walked to the cashier. Emily stared at her while she walked and once again noticed how right she was about Paige. Even her walk was more comfortable than it had been all those months ago. Before, Paige would walk like a wounded buffalo waiting to strike at the nearest animal but now, she was almost elegant. Almost as elegant as Spencer she dared to think. Soon enough, Paige returned, putting her wallet back in her bag. "Ready?"

"Sure," Emily replied, taking one last swig of her soda before standing up and pushing her chair back in, "Where to?"

"I dunno. Night time window shopping?" Paige smiled for the millionth time that night, smiling a smile of feigned cockiness, but in an enduring way.

Emily shook her head, also smiling, "Why not?"

The two girls left The Grille and walked the streets of Rosewood, not really looking at the shops or window shopping, but just talking about the past year, Emily's experience with community service, though that one Emily was reluctant to share, but eventually she gave in, not that Paige had pushed. She supposed she'd been wanting to open up about that experience. She'd kept it buried for so long and when Paige asked why she'd been fighting with the other girls, Spencer in particular, Emily froze. She hadn't known what to say, no one had ever asked about that.

"Uh," she stammered, and finally, she added a bit more of truth, "We were all angry with each other and they kind of blamed me. Sort of." She didn't feel good about her answer because there was a bit of truth to it, even if it was all in Emily's head, if a little twisted. Spencer, Aria, nor Hanna ever blamed Emily for them grabbing the shovel, but Emily, somewhere deep down in her subconscious, blamed herself, though the thought was surfacing itself more and more recently.. She was the one who got lead to the barn. She was the one who got trapped. She was the damsel in distress that got everyone into a deeper mess by opening up to Dr. Sullivan.

"What?" Paige said softly and turned to face Emily, "Did they really?" There was a tone in her voice Emily couldn't quite place except that it sounded like protectiveness.

Emily sighed, "No. It was all in my head and I kept fighting with them because _I_ felt it was my fault." Now that was truth. "I was being dumb and went and got trapped in a barn that got us sited for breaking and entering because they came and helped me." And there it was again, the guilt she'd felt back then, which made her quarrels with her friends, Spencer in particular, so much more believable. In a way, she still felt like that whole ordeal was her fault.

"They went after you because that's what friends do. They look out for each other."

Again, Emily looked up and stared, really stared, into Paige's brown eyes. And there it was, the connection she'd been waiting for. It was almost as if it were a light switch that was flipped from off to on and finally she could see what she knew was there, but she just needed that little bit of light to confirm it. She was ready and she knew it finally. Paige had proven over the past couple weeks that, not only had she become more assertive and passionate, but that she kept her word and gave Emily that time and distance that she needed to move on. It wasn't like Emily just completely forgot about Maya, she would always be in Emily's heart in a special place for first loves. But that chapter of her love life had ended, complete with epilogue as made evident by Maya's lack of communication after texting her goodbye and sending her a picture of San Francisco. Emily was ready to start a new chapter, or revisit an old one but with the intent of rewriting it. And as Emily kept her eyes locked onto Paige's, she brought her hands up and held Paige's arm with one hand while the other slowly went behind her neck. And slowly, she pulled Paige to her and they both their eyes closed as their lips connected and both felt tingles running through their bodies and down their spines. Kissing Paige felt different than it did before. Before it was so timid and scared and so secretive, yet longing. Now, it was still longing, but it was confident- how many times had Emily thought that word?- and strong and just so _sure_.

Emily's phone beeped and caused her to jump and break the kiss. She looked at Paige apologetically and reached for her phone. It was Spencer seeing if she was free. At that moment, she wasn't, but with the way Spencer had been that week, and the week before that, Emily knew her friend needed her.

"You okay?" Paige asked.

"Yeah," Emily replied, "It's just," she paused and fidgeted with her words.

"You gotta go, huh?" Paige tried, but couldn't completely hide her disappointment.

Reluctantly Emily confirmed, "Yeah." She was very glad Paige didn't pry her, asking questions and expecting answers. She just let Emily be, gave Emily that space to maneuver and not have her worry about explanations she couldn't quite give.

Paige nodded understandingly, "Did you have a good time at least?"

Emily smiled coyly, knowing Paige was just pulling at her, "Yes."

"So maybe we can do it again?"

"Kiss?" Emily said humorously.

Paige laughed softly, "I meant go out. But ultimately, yes I would like to kiss again."

"Hmm," Emily teased, "Pretty bold asking for it."

"Admittedly."

Emily let out another soft laugh before she leaned in and gave Paige a chaste kiss again. When she pulled away she sighed again, feeling calm and at peace. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. But something kept nipping at her, it was the same something that has nipped at her since she reconnected with her friends at Alison's funeral and she couldn't place her finger on it.

But she couldn't worry about that now, she had somewhere to be and so she said her goodbye to Paige and promised to call her to set up their next get together. Or date, since she was being truthful. As she walked further away from Paige and closer to her car, Emily pulled out her cell and texted a reply to Spencer, _"Want me there now?"_

She was almost at her car when Spencer replied, _"Please."_

The phone radiated urgency and Emily could almost _feel_ Spencer's distraught. She nearly jumped into her car and it took all her self control not to barrel into the street and run every red light in her way. Still, she made it to Spencer's faster than normal.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** I had thought about continuing but, meh, I'll save it for the next chapter. This was kind of a short chapter and there was some McFields (Instead of Paily because McFields just sounds more awesome) action there, I know bad me, how dare I call myself a Spemily shipper, but c'mon, it's gotta add to the drama and angst because we all KNOW where I'm heading. ((xoxo wink wink xoxo)) Shame my chapters will never be as long as other's.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**** "Pretty Little Liars" belongs to ABC Family… Damn you ABC Family for canceling "10 Things I Hate About You."**

**Spinoza-off: Haha! Yes! Spencer is Thee Shit. I love this character, there is so much we can do with her. And yes, THIS is the chapter I was excited about. Yes, I'm trying to redeem Paige as much as possible, lol, because she redeemed herself with me a LONG time ago. But don't be too worried, Paige is a strong girl, especially now. ;)**

**Cha: Gracias! The finale was a little different from the books, but I saw that coming. I knew there wasn't just ONE A, I smelt that a mile away. And I may touch on that masquerade a bit. Yes, dear lord Lindsey Shaw was hawt. I want her in season 3. Enough with this Maya, non-exsistent-chemistry crap. Though I LOVED that it was Spencer holding onto Emily when she broke down.**

**Author's Note:**** Slowly, slowly comes the build up. I HAD to look it up, Nia Peeples is almost exactly what Shay Mitchell is; Filipino/Scottish ( Scott/Irish on Shay's white side). Eric Steinberg is half white/Korean. His Korean really shows and I think we might have to bust a "suspension of disbelief" and say Mr. Fields is Filipino/white. We have two half Filipinos and a half Korean, Filipinos won. Holla! (My love is Filipina so I have a soft spot for them 3) As for Ben, I couldn't find anything about his ethnicity so I'm just whatevering it. **

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

"Thanks for coming so fast," Spencer said as she entered her room, Emily following her. When they were inside, she closed the door. She just felt safer when her door was closed like somehow the door could keep all the lies out of her room, like it was magic. "Hope I didn't interrupt anything important."

Emily opened her mouth but didn't say anything. She figured it was probably wise to not mention anything about Paige, not yet until it was more solid and Spencer could wrap her head around the idea. "No," she finally said.

Spencer nodded but said nothing as she walked over to her window and looked out at the barn.

Noticing the sullen look on Spencer's face, Emily stepped closer to her friend and tilted her head as if examining her. "Spence?" Spencer turned her head and looked at Emily and gave her an empty smile. A smile voided of anything Spencer and it made Emily nervous, it just plain creeped her out. Then she felt utterly guilty all over again, feeling as if she'd been neglecting Spencer. Undoubtedly, she had. She was sure of it. "Spence?" she probed again.

"Sorry," Spencer said as she shook her head, "Sorry. I've just been in sort of a daze the past couple weeks." She began to walk to her desk, staring at pictures of herself and of her friends. Some old pictures, plenty of new ones.

"I can see that." Emily didn't move but kept a careful and watchful eye on Spencer.

There was so much to say and Spencer couldn't decide what to say first. There were too many balls on her side of the court and for Spencer, someone who thrived on competition and achievement, it was making her go crazy. She couldn't decide which ball to hit first. But ultimately, she decided on the most important, and relevant to them, would be A. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket, opened the text from A she'd received almost a week ago, and handed it to Emily without saying a word.

Emily stared hard at the phone almost frozen. She barely even moved to breathe as she read and re-read the text several times before finally looking back up at Spencer with hurt in her eyes. "A sent this to you and you didn't tell us?"

"After you guy's reactions with Melissa, can you really blame me?" Spencer defended herself.

"Spencer," Emily said and held up Spencer's cell, "A is playing you. Trying to get between us."

"You don't think I know that?" Spencer grabbed her cell out of Emily's hand and looked at it for a moment, eyes seemingly burning the phone before she put it back in her pocket.

"You should have told us," Emily said, her tone of voice softer.

"Well, you guys shouldn't have been so quick to condemn my sister," Spencer said, bitterness apparent in her voice. She didn't even look at Emily as she stood staring at her window again with her arms crossed in a defensive pose.

"We're sorry about that," Emily softly said, "_I'm_ sorry about that. I never should have been so quick to judge."

Spencer looked up at Emily's apologetic, and guilty, looking face and her heart softened again. She could never stay angry with Emily, she was her best friend after all. "I know," she finally said, "It just hurt like crazy."

"I know."

"I mean," Spencer continued, "I can't depend on my parents, I don't have Toby anymore, I don't know _what_ I have with Wren, and honestly I don't think I want anything with him," she paused, her eyes stinging, "Melissa may have been a jerk my whole life, but she's always been constant. Ya know? I could always depend on her to be a jerk." Spencer laughed bitterly before tears finally started falling.

"Spence," Emily softly said as she walked up to Spencer and wrapped her arms around her.

_Not yet,_ Spencer thought to herself. She couldn't break down, she hadn't even gotten to the worst parts yet. "There's something else," Spencer said as she pulled away from Emily. She looked intensely into Emily's almond shaped eyes, she always felt so at peace when she looked into them, but she was afraid of what this news would bring. And then she couldn't decide how to say it. But she finally decided to just be blunt, "My father had an affair, a long time ago."

Emily's eyes widened in shock and she gasped. It was news she definitely hadn't expected. Of course, she wouldn't have expected Mr. Montgomery to have cheated either. Or Mr. Marin to leave Mrs. Marin for another woman. For a split second she thought about her father and wondered- _No!_ her mind shouted. She wouldn't even question her dad.

"That's not the worst part," Spencer added. Emily looked at her, waiting for the rest. Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat; this was hard, one of the hardest things she'd ever had to admit to. And worst, she'd promised Jason she wouldn't say anything to her friends, but she just couldn't keep it to herself any longer, especially now. "It was with Ali's mom."

"What?"

"Jason is my half brother."

Emily took a few steps back, her mind very obviously processing it. She was utterly speechless, no sound came from her throat as she stood froze, eyes wide, processing information that just completely blew her away. "How did you find out?" she barely managed to ask.

"It's not important," Spencer answered dejectedly. After a moment Spencer laughed, but not in a humorous way, she laughed in a way where there is nothing else that one can do but laugh at the situation that was just so utterly far away from usual, "I have a brother," she said with a cracking voice, in a way of confirmation seemingly the first time she said those words out loud and really believed them. "I found out on that Truth Day thing. How ironic huh?" she laughed at the shear irony of that day. It was Truth Day, a day where everyone was to open up, say what they've been hiding, and accept new possibilities. She just hadn't expected to learn a life long lie and gain a brother.

"Spence," Emily breathed, finally looking at her friend, "That's why…" she stopped. It all made sense. Spencer's mood the past few weeks, the disarray of her family life, everything connected. Spencer was losing stability and Spencer lived for stability.

More tears finally fell freely down Spencer's face, "I don't know what's what anymore." Several sobs escaped her and she hugged herself.

Emily's heart broke at the sight of Spencer crying and she wrapped her arms around her. Spencer was always the strongest among them, she was there on the defense if one of them was being attacked. She was their brain and their leader. She was the one to go to with life's problems and she knew how to make things right, she knew exactly what to say. But for her to be on the other end, it broke Emily's heart in a way it'd never been broken. She'd seen her friends cry before, but it never gave her this feeling, this feeling of wanting to take the weight of the world off Spencer's shoulders and carry it for her.

"My mom knew," Spencer said muffled in Emily's shoulder. She felt Emily tense up so she continued, "She found out kind of recently." Then she remembered what her mother had said all those nights ago:

"_If I had known before, then I'd have made a different decision and you wouldn't be here." _

It was a revelation that drove Spencer crazy. Although her mother meant it as reassurance that she regretted nothing, to Spencer it meant something completely different. "If she would've found out back then, she'd have left my dad and I," she paused and moved her head back away from Emily and stared at her friend, her mouth opened, moving, light sounds coming from the back of her throat, no words forming.

Emily caught on right away what Spencer was meaning. She wasn't that naïve, it was just Spencer didn't want to affirm the thought, she didn't want to say it out loud and the ghostly look on Spencer's face, her hallow eyes said it; she wouldn't have been born if her father hadn't lied. And for once, Emily didn't know what to say or do. A hug wouldn't fix this, it wouldn't even help much, even a hug from a best friend. Emily was helpless and it broke her heart that she couldn't do anything to fix Spencer. What she wanted to do was to punch Mr. Hastings square in the jaw, but then he was still Spencer's father and without him there would be no Spencer. It was a situation Emily was having trouble with. Then she felt guilty, knowing if she was having trouble wrapping her mind around this whole mess, she knew Spencer had an even harder time. And to top it off, she had been alone the past couple weeks. Since Truth Day? _That explains why she was so upset and awake in the middle of the night,_ Emily realized.

"Don't tell Aria or Hanna," Spencer finally said, her back to Emily looking out her window. When had she stepped that far away from her? "Please," Spencer pleaded as she turned and looked at Emily.

"Okay," Emily agreed, but she couldn't help but wonder why she didn't want the others to know. Hadn't Spencer texted all of them in a mass message to come over tonight? _She probably lost her nerve,_ Emily thought, "I promise."

Another secret they had to keep. It was a wonder A hadn't brought this up before.

Both Spencer and Emily stayed together that night and when Spencer's parents came home she had asked Emily to spend the night. After calling Mrs. Marin, Emily got the okay to stay over. Spencer didn't want to face either of her parents and she knew that they wouldn't try to pry her with someone else there. After talking about superficial things, they both decided to order a pizza and debated on a movie to watch. After narrowing things down, they both decided on a movie that didn't require deep thought.

"So, 'Suckerpunch' it is," Spencer said with a weak, but reassuring smile.

Emily couldn't help the little soft giggle that escaped her lips, "I can't believe you own that movie."

"I can't believe you don't," Spencer countered with her smirk that she always used whenever she felt she was winning the battle of wits. The one that curved up at the corner of her mouth along with one eye brow raising.

"It's not a very intelligent movie."

"Well, no, but what did you expect? It's a bunch of hot chicks running around in skimpy clothes with guns. How deep can that be? It obviously wasn't trying to win any oscars." Spencer set up her DVD player and put the movie in.

Maybe about 15 minutes into the movie, the pizza came and the girls ate, made comments, and laughed while sitting on the floor of Spencer's bedroom. Something that Spencer hadn't done in a while and she was very grateful for this night, especially grateful for Emily. She turned her eyes away from the movie and just glanced at Emily from the corner of her eyes. She was so grateful for this friendship she had. Emily was always the warmest of her friends, always the one she went to when she needed to seek comfort. Sure she loved Aria and Hanna, but they were no Emily.

"Ha!" Emily exclaimed, "Of course the Asian-Amber girl is the one in that robot thing. Just like those Japanese cartoons." But of course, she was laughing at it. Sure it was stereotypical, but it was still funny. Especially that the robot had a bunny face on it.

"You mean Anime?" Spencer asked with an amused smile.

"Yeah. That."

"And since when are you so 'Asian Pride?' You're not even full Asian and you don't even know that Japanese cartoons are called Anime," Spencer teased.

Emily humorously glared at Spencer, "I'm half, and both my parents are half. It's personal." Even though it really wasn't as Emily really wasn't one to care that much about race.

"Is Filipino even considered Asian?" Now Spencer was _really_ teasing, "I thought they were considered Pacific Islander?" And being _really_ technical.

Emily couldn't help but enjoy the teasing and especially enjoyed how technical and precise Spencer was. It was a quality Emily always found endearing and just so intriguing that she would spend minutes of her life just thinking about Spencer's little quirks. "They are technically Pacific Islander but we're still Asian."

"I see," Spencer said lightly, smiling where her teeth were showing slightly. It wasn't often Spencer left a conversation, especially a teasing battle, opened ended like that. But that just meant she would save it for later. "I've got to admit, Amber is a little hot."

Since when did Spencer have a thing for Asians? Every guy Spencer ever got with were generic, typical white guys. Except Alex, but even he was a light Latin boy. "Amber?" Emily asked unbelieving.

"Yes, Amber," Spencer repeated, a little sarcastically, but still playfully.

"I would have thought you'd have liked the orderly-mobster guy."

"Em, this movie is not about the guys." Spencer chuckled, feeling so at ease. So peaceful.

"Well, obviously." Emily rolled her eyes at Spencer and shook her head. "So, Amber huh?" It did come as a surprise still. She knew that even straight girls could comment about the hotness of other girls. She just never saw Spencer doing it. She expected it from Hanna, though she really shouldn't be surprised considering how Spencer could be a spaz sometimes.

"Yup. Hot."

"I pegged you for Baby Doll."

"Baby Doll?" She turned to Emily surprised.

"Yeah."

Spencer scrunched her nose as if she smelled something foul, "She's too vanilla."

"Vanilla?"

"Yeah. Too plain. She's kind of like Sean Ackard, all blonde, blue eyed, typical vanilla."

Emily let out a laugh wondering where Spencer came up with these things. "Because you have such a diverse list of ex-boyfriends."

"Hey, now," Spencer teasingly warned, "Alex was different."

"Barely."

"And what about you?" Spencer challenged.

"What about me?"

"You don't have a very diverse list of ex-girlfriends either."

Emily had to think for a moment, but she did realize that Spencer was sort of right. "Okay," she hesitantly said, "But not really."

"Oh? Please, Emily Fields, explain."

"Maya was black."

"And everyone else?" She looked at Emily and saw what she wanted to see, admittance, "Including Ben," she added as an after thought, turning back to the television.

"Okay," Emily said, moving her body so that she was now facing Spencer and sitting on her feet, "I'll give you that Ali and Samara are, vanilla," she paused, a little unnerved that she used Spencer's term, "But Maya was black and Paige is a totally different shade of white girl. She's has that cherry chestnut hair with brown eyes. She's not vanilla at all."

"And Ben?" Spencer still challenged. She wanted to win, no _needed_ to win this little battle of teasing wits with Emily. And besides, it was incredibly fun.

"He was Greek."

"Actually, Ben doesn't count. You don't like boys so your word doesn't mean anything when regarding him," Spencer said now being petty, but enjoying it.

"Hey, if you can comment on which girl is hot in this movie, my ex-boyfriend is going to be used for this little debate of yours," Emily said with finality.

"Oh, now it's _my_ debate?" Spencer feigned shock.

"Yes, it's your debate. You started this," Emily answered, poking Spencer in the arm. At the contact, Emily felt something prick at her chest. It was so subtle she almost missed it, but it was there, she had felt it and she couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't something she needed to think about right then so she took note and stored it in her mental filing cabinet.

"Who's the one who said I have a racist taste in men?"

"I never said it was racist."

"You implied it," Spencer said with her smirk again. Her eyes twinkling.

"I did not!" Emily exclaimed with her eyes widening and her mouth hanging open.

"Sure," Spencer let out, finally giving up on the fake debate and earning a soft slap on the arm from a smiling Emily. "And anyways, I find Rocket hotter than Baby Doll. But I will say that the worst one is Vanessa Hudgens. I just don't like her."

"Vanessa Hudgens or her character?"

"Both."

They turned back to the movie, slowly enjoying their pizza. Emily lightly giggling at Spencer's negative feelings toward Vanessa Hudgens and her character. It was a great night. It was just them, comfort food, a stupid, yet entertaining movie, and no A. If there was a heaven, Spencer was in it, right at that very moment.

When the movie ended, Emily jumped into the shower first which left Spencer alone and to think. She needed that little distraction with Emily, it was wonderful to just forget for a couple hours and just turn her mind off. To be out of the dark spiral she was falling down, if even for a moment. She couldn't have done it without Emily and she realized Emily was probably the only person she could fully depend on. The only person she could tell everything to. Not to say she didn't trust Aria or Hanna, just that Aria would always have advise even if it was unwanted or Hanna wouldn't quite understand the severity of something and make an insensitive comment, not that it was completely her fault, it was just how Hanna dealt with things. But Emily just _knew_ when words weren't wanted, or she was just really good at reading Spencer. Regardless, Emily was Spencer's constant, she was the dependable constant in Spencer's world, her trump card in the game of lies and in the reality of Hastings. She walked to her desk and saw a picture of the four of them, both Spencer and Emily were at the ends, with Aria and Hanna in between them. They were apart, but in a way it just seemed right. Even though Spencer didn't really believe her friends when they said she was their leader and the brains- well, the brains maybe, it was her strong suit after all- it was fitting she'd be on the end and Emily on the other because Emily was the dependable one. Spencer the leader, and Emily the reliable, keeping the group together. Frowning, she didn't think it had a very good ring to it, but nonetheless, it was accurate. At least to Spencer it was.

The door opened and Emily came in, her hair wet and uncombed, wearing an oversized t-shirt that used to be Mr. Hastings' that Spencer would wear to sleep because it was so big, she'd almost swim in it, but Emily didn't quite swim in it, it was still just a tad bit big. The sweat pants Spencer loaned her almost perfectly fit her, though on Spencer, they were huge, but that's just because Emily was fuller, curvier, more womanly than Spencer was.

Then, all of a sudden, Spencer felt inadequate.

_Stop it!_ she shouted in her head, causing her to shake her head in annoyance. Since when did Spencer Hastings feel self conscious? Or feel any kind of doubt in her abilities or appearances? _Since a bomb was dropped on me,_ she bitterly replied to herself. Wordlessly she grabbed some sleeping clothes and walked into the bathroom and began to brush her teeth.

She couldn't help but stare at herself in the mirror. She was not only losing her sense of Hastings, she was losing her sense of self. She didn't know who she was anymore. All of the cockiness, the bravado, the perfection, it was all a product of Hastings manipulation. Mainly by her father. But now, since she couldn't trust him, or her mother, or her sister if she really wanted to be analytical, she questioned what was _really_ her. Sure, she was ambitious, but did she really _need_ to win? Did she _need_ to have the top prize? Was that actually _her_? Or was it a byproduct of Hastings? Lord, it was hard for her to call herself a Hastings anymore. She felt disgusted with the name.

Name.

What about Jason DiLaurentis? He was half a Hastings, they had very similar wiring, but what was he truly like? Did he have a natural ambition and need to win as she did? Was that part of their genetic coding or was it her father's manipulations?

When she was finished with her teeth, Spencer stripped out of her clothing and stepped into the shower and let the hot water burn on her skin. The heat, the sting, the pain, it felt good. It felt as if something was alive on her. Sure, she felt alive tonight, but that's when she was next to Emily, but she couldn't be next to Emily every minute of every day now could she?

The water kept falling on her, running down her back, almost cleansing her. Or, at least she felt the cleanse for a short moment before her mind wandered again, doubting her true sense of self. She hugged her naked body, staring at the linoleum, feeling the hot water drip down her face, her hair sticking to her body. It was almost like her essence wanted to jump out of her body, it wanted to scream and rip itself from her chest and run wild and free. Suddenly she felt trapped again and her airways seemed to close.

Her hand darted to the tile wall and she had to hold herself up to keep the anxiety attack at bay. She wanted to cry. She began to cry, thankful she was in the shower where the water would wash away the tears and leave no evidence of such an occurrence. She just didn't know _who _she was anymore.

She stayed in the shower a while longer.

SSS

After Spencer walked out of the room, Emily stared at her as she left and closed the door. Emily's heart broke at the sight of her sullen friend. She couldn't imagine such news, learning the kid next door, the jerk annoying big brother to an antagonistic best friend was actually her half brother due to an affair her father had years prior? If it was anyone other than Spencer, Emily was sure they'd have broken down and done something extremely illegal. Or run away. She herself couldn't imagine herself in such a situation and she had no idea how she would've been able to handle it. But Spencer was the strong one, she was the one with a good head on her shoulders, she was the one with the plans.

But Spencer had been walking around as if she was broken, and not just recently, ever since Truth Day. Normally, Spencer would piece herself back together within days, sometimes hours, and be ready to battle it out with anyone. But she just seemed too broken and Emily didn't know how to fix her.

She leaned back on the bed, on her side, propping herself up on her elbow and fiddled with a loose thread. And she knew it wasn't something that could be fixed in one night with a movie and pizza, she knew she was going to have to be there for Spencer, be her support more than ever before. She would do it because she had to. She'd do it because she wanted to. There was no doubt in Emily's mind, she was going to be Spencer's anchor because that's what best friends do. She wasn't going to let Spencer drown in this dreadful sea, she was going to save her, keep her head afloat as best as she could. No, not as best as she could, she _would_ do it, no ifs, ands, or buts. It was going to happen.

After a while, Spencer finally walked in, hair wet and tangled, wearing a grey t-shirt that fitted only slightly loose and green flannel pajama bottoms. Spencer smiled at Emily before going to her dresser and grabbed a comb. Quickly she started to comb out the tangles while Emily watched her carefully. It made Spencer a little uneasy, but at the same time, she almost felt as if she had a guardian angel watching over her.

Inwardly she snorted, _How lame am I being right now?_

It was nearing midnight and they had talked very little since they finished their showers. Emily was almost going to go to the other bed, she was just about to get up when Spencer climbed in and quickly turned off the lights. _Okay,_ Emily slowly thought to herself, _I guess she wants company, _and she'd surely give in. For some reason, she felt a little strange, she felt uncomfortable, not necessarily in a way what was physically uncomfortable, but in a weird, state of mind way. Her heart was beating a little too fast than it should be and she couldn't figure out why. Closing her eyes, she tried not to think about that, forcing the strange, unfinished thoughts to the back of her mind and tried to focus on other things.

Then Spencer moved slightly and rolled onto her side facing Emily and almost curled into her. Spencer's head was just about resting on Emily's shoulder. Spencer sighed contently and whispered, "G'night, Em."

Emily opened her eyes and felt a little troubled but she tilted her head toward her friend and whispered back, "'Night, Spence."

"Em?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for always being you." Spencer made herself more comfortable and cuddled a little more against Emily, feeling too vulnerable otherwise.

For Emily, the dreams she had that night were wild, vague, and too colorful. She couldn't sort them out because they were just too sporadic. For Spencer, as if on repeat, she had the same dream as before, the perfect world, perfect, family, perfect everything until that kiss at the end. Only this time, along with the brown eyes, she noticed they were almond shaped and off to the side of the face she was still too close to make out, was long, jet black hair.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** Oh yes, it's starting. But when proof reading, I noticed the bed scene is a lot like Spinoza-off's in their "Speeding Up" fic. I apologize if it looks too similar, it wasn't intentional but I really like this chapter. I originally meant for Spencer to get the unsettling feelings, but as I was flowing, it just became Emily who got them. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars." I have a total sad face right now.**

**Spinoza-off: I'm glad you don't think it's similar and even more glad you loved chapter 6! It's still my favorite chapter. Sucker Punch, everyone had such high expectations and were disappointed but I knew it wasn't going to be this deep masterpiece, it was a live action action video game or anime. I liked it because I could turn my brain off with it. NOTHING wrong with the romantic route you took, I just didn't know how to go about it so I used everything else, lol. I'm also glad you liked that Emily had the uneasy feelings because I was just "ehhh" about it.**

**Gaby2angel: NOOO don't NOT study! XD**

**Sieamberc: Aww but Paige is just misunderstood, lol. Have you ever watched Once & Again? Had a very young Evan Rachel Wood & Mischa Barton as girlfriends, Mischa's ex was all bitchy but it was only because she was broken hearted. **

**Anon: I have no websites to watch anything because I dunno about those things. ;( I watched it in theaters. It's really good. I love that lesbianism wasn't even the main topic in the movie, it was just something that just was. The whole movie dealt with personal freedoms and family dynamics (with lesbian love thrown in for good measure).**

**Author's Note:**** I'm realizing this fic is becoming more Spencer-centric. Oh well, she **_**is **_**my favorite liar after all. Heee.**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

A few days had past, it was now a new week since Spencer and Emily's little sleep over, though it was something that Spencer needed and made her feel a little more at ease, she was still disoriented. Slowly she was accepting the idea that her family is not so perfect as her father always made them to be, but they were flawed just like everyone else's. In a way, after much thought, Spencer felt a little relieved that she didn't have to uphold the image of Hastings the way that was demanded of her. She felt a little more at ease with her home life. Still, she'd have liked to speak to Jason more, not that she wanted to go do brother-sister picnics or anything of the like, but she did feel a little pull to him, to better understand him because obviously he is incredibly misunderstood. Aria had been right to be at ease with him. She felt guilty about being so distrusting of Jason, but it wasn't as if he ever said or did anything that made him look anything other than suspicious.

But maybe his whole party boy phase was his own way of dealing with the revelation that he was some other man's son. The thought saddened Spencer and she felt even more disgusted with herself. She wondered if he had known then? After all, her mother found out only a couple years prior, maybe Jason learned at the same time? And when did Ali find out? Obviously she knew before any of them, even before her mother. Perhaps A clued Ali in on that and demanded the money from her father.

It made sense. That had to be the case. A knew all and knew it since before Ali died.

What of A anyways? Spencer realized A had been a little quiet as of late and she feared what that might mean. Then her phone beeped and with a sigh, Spencer picked up her cell, noticing she had about 20 minutes to get to school, and checked the text, holding her breath. It was Emily asking if she was going. Spencer smirked and replied that she would be. Almost every day since their sleep over, Emily had been texting Spencer every morning to see if she'd be going to school or not. At first it irritated Spencer, but then she grew accustomed to the protectively watchful eye, or text, of Emily. Of course, realizing who she was kissing in her dream also helped quell her annoyance.

To add to her questioning self image, Spencer finally realized that the person she had been kissing in her dream wasn't Wren after all, it was Emily. At first Spencer laughed, then she got scared and nervous. She had never even thought of another girl romantically let alone her best friend. For days she analyzed and over analyzed, then just assumed it was her tired mind trying to show her who the person was she trusted the most. Of course it was Emily. The only reason, she deducted, that she was kissing her was because the night of the first dream she was trying to seduce Wren and therefore hormones lead to naughty dreams about the best friend she trusted more than anyone else in her life, end of story.

She finished pinning up her hair into a loose bun, checked her lip gloss, then darted out her room, making sure she closed her door. She was trying to get out of the house and on the road before her father would catch her to bother her about the Father-Daughter dance that she really wasn't sure if she wanted to go. The past week she'd finally started playing nice with her parents and her sister, who had said she'd only vented to Garrett that night she ditched her. It was a miracle she had convinced her friends that with Melissa staying home she was sure her sister had nothing to do with Alison's murder. It was another mask she had to wear, the "smile now, cry later" mask she was good about wearing.

As she got to the base of the stairs, she paused for a moment, stopping to listen for voices or anything that would indicate where her family was. When she heard nothing, she made a beeline for the back door, then paused when she saw a little maroon box laying on the island's counter in the kitchen. She knew it was from her father, a cheap shot at some kind of apology for the lifelong lie of his. For a moment, she was in awe. She couldn't help it, she was a bit of a rich girl after all. Slowly she picked it up and saw there was a note under the pretty gold ribbon with her name written on it with her father's hand writing. Just for a split second, her heart warmed, then as quickly as it came, the warmth left and was replaced by sadness. She was just sad at the fact her father was trying in his own way, his own materialistic way, to soften her up, to bribe her almost. Despite that she was a rich girl, she couldn't be bought anymore. That part of her, that part that was a Hastings was gone.

"I have got to find an obstetrician in the city," Melissa said as she came down the stairs, "All this back and forth with these appointments is just…" she stopped and looked at Spencer and the little box in her hands, "From Dad?" she asked with her voice flat, almost expecting.

Spencer opened the note and read it out loud in a soft, almost tired voice, "'Looking forward to the dance.'" She shared a knowing glance with her sister. This was not the first time their father bribed an apology from them. Then she picked up the box and opened it revealing a beautiful diamond, white gold necklace. "Wow," Spencer said, truly in awe as it was the most gorgeous piece of jewelry she'd ever seen. Turning the box to her sister she said, "Dad went a little bit overboard."

"It's called 'over compensating,'" Melissa said, unsold by her father's gesture, "He still believes he could use his money to shut people up."

"Melissa, we are not going there, okay?"

"We were both lied to, Spence. This necklace is _nothing_ but his guilt talking."

"You don't think I know that?" Surprisingly, Spencer said it without her usual bite.

Just then, Peter Hastings walked in, all smiles, trying to make believe everything was turning back to perfect scores. "Aw, you opened it," he said to Spencer, "I wanted to see the look on your face." He walked up to her in his usual stride.

Spencer looked up at her father, then back down at the necklace and stammered, "It's just… I… It's so-"

"See that?" he turned to Melissa, "Speechless, ya see that? Exactly what I was going for." He smiled proudly. "C'mere," he said and enveloped Spencer in a hug.

Looking over his shoulder, Spencer locked eyes with Melissa, who almost looked amused. But Spencer couldn't figure out why Melissa had that amused face. Was it because she thought Spencer was falling for their father's guilt gift? That had to be it.

Mr. Hastings let go of Spencer and said, "Now, you have to promise me you're going to wear it to the dance tomorrow night. Okay?"

Spencer looked up at her father, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. She wasn't sure she wanted to go, it just didn't feel right anymore. "Sure," _damnit, _"Promise." _Why did I say that?_ she scolded herself.

"Great," he said with finality, "Well, I've got to get ready to go to the firm. I'll see you tonight." He hugged Spencer again, then hugged Melissa and walked back toward his office, presumably to gather his needed paperwork.

Once he was gone, the sisters looked back at each other, Melissa giving Spencer a hard look, "You're still going with him?"

"What was I suppose to say?" Spencer snapped back. It was true, she was caught between a rock and a hard place. She was coming to terms with the lie of her father and she still hadn't fully forgiven him, but with her and Melissa, both giving him the cold shoulder the past couple weeks, and the fact he looked so proud and ready to go on with life as he knew it, it was hard for Spencer to just throw a wrench into the gears. That and she was just so tired of being angry and bitter and just plain sad. Besides, he looked proudly at _her,_ it was something she grew up trying to achieve and so, old habits die hard.

"Well, it's up to you if you want to just go and forgive him for lying to us our entire lives," she got up from the bench and forcefully grabbed her bag and keys, "I'm not. I'll see you later."

"Bye," Spencer said as Melissa walked out the door. She looked back down at the necklace and couldn't help but think at how beautiful it truly was. But, she knew it was a gift born of guilt. Sure she was tired of being angry, of being resentful, she really did want to move on with her life, especially that her other voice had finally stopped talking to her, but she just couldn't trust her parents anymore. Hurrying up the stairs, she went into her room and put the necklace in the drawer of her night stand and hurried back down and ran out the door and all just hopped into her car, knowing she was going to be a little late to school.

SSS

Classes were uneventful, nothing but the same topic that they've been covering the past few weeks and Emily could not be any happier that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Even A had been quiet since their text to Spencer. In a way it was a relief for Emily, however a part of her couldn't help but feel it was the calm before the storm, as it always tended to be the case in Rosewood, and just like a real hurricane, there wasn't much Emily could do except prepare as best as she could for the disaster, for the debris that would be left over from whatever category hurricane A would be. That part made her nervous, the waiting, the preparing, the assuming. Would any of it be beneficial in the end?

The bell rang before Emily could even finish her thoughts. All the kids bolted for the door, cramming themselves into the hallways, trying to get out of their stuffy classrooms and get to lunch. Emily took her time, as always, trying to avoid the crowds and went to her locker. Once she rounded the corner and her locker was in view, she noticed a bright pink carnation taped to the door of her locker. Slowly she approached it with a small, curious smile on her face. Of course, there were only a handful of people they could be from, but she still couldn't help but wonder. Then a scary feeling came over her and she stopped dead in her tracks; what if they were from A?

She shook her head hard, almost violently, her bouncy hair almost flailing around her. _Don't be stupid,_ she thoughtfully scolded herself, _Why would it be A? Why would they give me a flower?_ With new resolve, Emily highly walked to her locker and gently pulled the carnation from the tape and took a gentle sniff. It was a light and sweet fragrance.

Emily was distracted and didn't sense the person coming behind her until they were poking her in the side which caused her to let out a small gasp, and jump into the air slightly before turning around. She saw a smiling Paige staring back at her.

"Hey!" exclaimed Paige.

"Hey!" Emily happily said back, bringing Paige into a hug. "Thank you for the flower."

"I was hoping you'd like it," she said, her face an expression of nervousness yet pride.

"I love it. It's beautiful."

Paige stared at Emily, she just liked looking at her, always had and truth was she could just look at her for days without words and be happy. After a beat, she finally opened her mouth, "So, I was wondering, I know the Father-Daughter dance is tomorrow, but I was thinking if we could kinda-sorta go together. Or maybe meet here?"

Smiling at Paige, Emily got a little worried, "Uh, you know our dads would meet, right?"

"Would that be so bad?" Paige asked uneasily. She really wanted to meet Mr. Fields even though she was more nervous about her own father considering he'd started so much trouble when Emily had first came out. Not that she was a saint herself, but still, she couldn't quite understand why Emily would be worried if it was Paige's father who was the jerk.

"Well, no, but…"

"But…?" Paige waited but seeing the look on Emily's face told her what she was thinking, "You think I'm going to get scared off?"

"No, that's not it."

"Or that my dad is going to cause a scene?"

That was part of it. "I'm just worried that that might not be the best thing yet."

"Why? Look, I told you, my parents, even my dad, is okay with me being gay. I mean, it took a while, and he still has his bad moments, but he's dealing with it."

"And that's great, it really is. I'm just," she hesitated. Could she really say it?

"What is it, Em?"

Emily sighed heavily, knowing she had to tell Paige the truth, "I'm scared of your dad."

To Emily's surprise, Paige let out a small chuckle. "I figured. I know my dad is scary, and believe me, he is, but he will behave. Knowing that people accept me the way I am, he won't cause a scene."

"But what about me? What if he blows up at me claiming I made you gay or something?"

Paige couldn't help the sympathy that came over her, or the guilt. She was a mirror image of her father, everything she knew she learned from him and she had treated Emily badly before. It saddened her to think that if Emily was afraid of her father, was Emily at one point afraid of Paige? "I don't doubt that'll cross his mind but," she paused and took one of Emily's hands in hers, "If he starts something, I promise, I won't let him say anything horrible to you." Paige looked at Emily straight in the eyes, sealing the promise with the blaze in her locking stare.

Finally, Emily nodded and said, "Okay."

Paige's face softened and brightened like a child who'd just received a gold star for good behavior, "Great!" She leaned in a stole a quick kiss on Emily's lips. "I've gotta go, but I'll call you later?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

With that, Paige turned and began to walk away, turning one final time at Emily and smiled proudly at her before disappearing down the hall.

Emily looked on in the direction Paige had gone and let out an anxious sigh. She turned to her locker and opened it up grabbing what books she needed then headed toward her usual meeting place of her friends with her carnation in hand. Then her phone beeped in her pocket and she paused again, slowly reaching for it and pulled it out. Her heart skipped when she read the text.

SSS

"'Do Mom and Dad know you're watching murder movies? I bet it would kill them to find out. -A'" Spencer read the text out loud in front of Aria and Hanna.

"Is A talking about the N.A.T. video?" Aria asked.

"Of course," Hanna answered, "A knows we have their cell phone."

"Hey," Emily said in a small panic as she joined the group, "You guys get that text from A?"

"Yes and now _Melissa_ is threatening to kill our parents," Hanna said, looking directly at Spencer.

Spencer stared back at her friends, once again feeling like the odd one out as all three were across from her, all three on one side staring at her, against her, whereas she was by herself, alienated once again. "You guys," she pleaded, "I already told you, Melissa can't be A."

"Hello? Alison was getting texts from the law firm your sister interned at."

"Yes but she already explained that," Spencer's voice became just slightly higher, she was slowly inching toward a crack in her guard, "Melissa just wanted Alison to leave Ian alone."

"So what?" Aria started, staring wide eyed and unbelieving at Spencer, "So I got chased by a hobo for nothing?"

"That still doesn't explain why Melissa was in the video," Emily added, throwing more doubt at Melissa while staring directly at Spencer.

Spencer couldn't help the betrayal she felt when she heard the words coming out of her mouth.

"Look," Spencer said, breaking eye contact with Emily, "Bottom line is, my sister is not A. I watched her fall apart when we found Ian's body. She had no idea that he was dead. She wouldn't text herself from her dead husband's phone and then lose it like that. Can we," she paused for a second, "Can we please, just breathe. For a second?" Spencer was so tired.

"No!" Hanna nearly shouted, "We have video of four people who could've killed Alison, okay? They were in her bedroom the night she died. Can't we get in trouble for withdrawing evidence?"

"I think you mean withholding," Aria corrected.

"Spencer's right," Emily finally said, her head down, "We've jumped the gun before, going to the cops and we ended up looking guilty." She brought her head up and looked at Spencer apologetically.

Spencer gave a thankful look to Emily before continuing, "Yeah, and they already think we stole something from the morgue. I don't think that we should give this to them. Look, I know I'm asking a lot but I think that I might have a chance to find out more so, can you guys, just please give me a chance to get into this?"

After a painfully long few seconds the girls agreed, Emily being the first, Hanna being the last.

"Fine," Hanna said, "But you've got to hurry. A's getting impatient and my mom is getting nosy."

"Thank you." Spencer was able to breathe a little normally again, now that she had convinced her friends to cool off a bit. She looked back at Emily, she was very thankful for her words. There was no way, she knew, she would have been able to convince Hanna and Aria, especially Hanna, to lay low for a bit without Emily's words. She almost mentally kicked herself that she hadn't thought of that herself. She had enough experience with the police that she knew what they thought of them.

Aria and Hanna were the first to leave, saying their goodbyes and left Emily and Spencer.

Spencer turned to Emily, her face saddened and soft, "Thank you, for helping me out."

"You're welcome," Emily said, a little uneasily.

"I know it was hard, especially since my sister isn't the most translucent person but, it means a lot."

"I didn't do it for her, Spence, I did it for you."

At those words, something twisted in Spencer's chest and it wasn't subtle. Suddenly the images and the feeling of utter warmth from the perfect reality dream washed over her before settling on the last image where she pulled away and saw she was kissing Emily. Spencer's heart rate elevated a bit and her breathing because a little more shallow and labored; she was growing extremely nervous and she couldn't really figure out why. _It was just a stupid dream about kissing my friend,_ she thought, _People have dreams about kissing their friends all the time and it doesn't mean anything._

Then she noticed the carnation in Emily's hand, "That from Paige?" She couldn't help the slight bitterness that flowed out.

Emily looked down at the flower in her hand then looked back up at Spencer, "Yeah."

"So you guys are official now?" She couldn't help the bitterness, she really didn't like Paige.

"We're taking things slow."

"It's already been a couple weeks hasn't it? And, what, a month since Maya left?" She realized she wasn't being very fair to Emily, especially since she went and let Wren kiss her- again- the day she broke up with Toby. Emily had at least waited a little while before moving on. But she wouldn't apologize for how she was feeling, and what she was feeling was that Emily was in the wrong for getting together with Paige. But why exactly did she feel that way? Surely it was because she hated what Paige had done to Emily and what Paige had done to a lot of people before that; during freshman year on the field hockey team, and who knows who else on the swim team. _Keep telling yourself that, _the Other Voice said. Spencer was surprised it returned and thought, _Great, now I'm losing my mind again._

Emily groaned. "Spence, Maya and I were already drifting apart since that dinner with my mom. There really wasn't much left between us when she decided to go to some commune in San Francisco."

"But then you get back with the girl who bullied you?" Spencer pushed away from the pillar she was leaning on and straightened her body with her arms cross in a defensive stance.

"Paige is different now. She's accepted who she is."

"And you think that she's going to be some perfect girlfriend?"

"No one is perfect."

"Well, that's true, but there are better girls than Paige McCullers."

Emily was done with the conversation, she was angry with Spencer now. "Okay, you think what you want, Spencer," she said as she began to walk away, but stopped then turned back around and walked up to Spencer, almost invading her personal space, "You have no right to say anything about any girl I date. I've never said anything about any guy you dated even when I _knew_ they weren't someone to be with like Wren or Ian. Stay out of my love life, Spencer."

With finality, Emily turned around and walked away from Spencer, going back into the hallways, not once looking back at Spencer, thinking how much nerve she had to have to say something to her about Paige especially after defending her decision not to go to the police to show the video of Melissa and N.A.T.

Spencer watched Emily go, and as badly as she wanted to go after her friend, she didn't. She was trying to analyze her thoughts and feelings but everything was so vague, broad, and scattered she couldn't really organize them. Before it'd annoy her, but lately, it's been making her feel lost and off her game. _That's because the game did change,_ she bitterly thought to herself. Then she kicked the pillar in anger. Here was Emily, the person who was becoming her ally in this A/Melissa/N.A.T. mess and she goes and messes it up because she has a problem with Paige. But why wouldn't she have a problem with Paige? She tried to frickin' drown Emily! _But Emily obviously likes her._

_And you hate that, don't you? _the Other Voice teased.

_Shut up, I don't feel like playing with you._

And now she was talking to herself in her mind. Great.

"Just send me to the nut house already," she said to herself, then chuckled, "I'll probably be safer there than anywhere else." She began walking back into the building, intending to get a sandwich from the vending machine because she hadn't realized how hungry she was. Of course, she hadn't been eating much the past few weeks.

_Just admit it already,_ the Other Voice said flately.

_Admit what?_ She put in money into the machine and began circling through the sandwiches before landing on a chicken salad one.

_You know what._

_No, please, enlighten me, _she sarcastically replied. Pulling out her sandwich, she began to unwrap it as she started walking toward her locker and took a bite.

_I'm not going to make this easier for you because you _know_ what I'm talking about. _

Spencer kept walking, taking another bite, though having a harder time chewing.

_You _know_ what you're thinking. We are the same consciousness after all._

For a moment, Spencer paused and stopped chewing. Deep down she knew what it was but what she couldn't figure out was when did it start? Could it have been when she broke up with Toby the final time? During the movie night? Spencer couldn't figure it out. The bite of sandwich she had in her mouth suddenly tasted like cardboard and she had an even harder time swallowing it. Her appetite was gone and Spencer tossed the remaining sandwich in the trash can. Pity since she was quite keen on chicken salad.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** I feel this might get a little out of hand, A-plot wise. I couldn't do the love square. I can't do Wrencer. I cannot stand Wren & I'd make him evil because I hate him. I'm feeling very self conscious about this fic.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars."**

**Sam: 3**

**Anon: Thank you! And I feel like this last update took too long, but thank you. And I didn't even think of that, that the realization would take more time since Spence has always played the straight field. Thanks!**

**Cha: ! I agree! Paige has the potential to be The One for Emily (besides Spencer that is) and I hope they build on that. I will totally wait for it next season. And yeah, I didn't like Spencer too much in the flashbacks. She didn't seem spineless to me, just annoying in that she didn't know how to direct herself. And what 15 year old says "It's not whether we can survive without you, but rather if you can survive without us." Horrible… Best love triangle? Really? Oh man, you just made me warm up so much!**

**Spinoza-off: "Enlighten me," but wasn't that very Spencer? And I loved that scene in that episode, especially the "eat shit" face Spencer gave Emily when Em said "So basically you picked up her dry cleaning." I'm going to try to make Paige so lovable so that everyone who hates her for no reason will feel BAD! LOL!… Now Wren, I hate him because, like you had Emily say in your fic, the man has no respect for anyone and is selfish in terms of love. He couldn't be like Richard on FRIENDS when he didn't fight Chandler for Monica and told Chandler to never let Monica go. Now THAT is a man I'd go straight for… If I was much older too, lol.**

**Author's Note:**** Oh yes, it's building. On a side note, was it just me or did Emily's fashion sense take a more lesbionic turn?**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

The evening of the dance came too quickly for Spencer, it wasn't an event she was particularly looking forward to and despite being a near expert at wearing her mask, it was almost evident in her face. A huge part of her wanted to run away for the night, just disappear and hide until morning because tonight was just too much. Though she had accepted her father's infidelity, she had accepted Jason as her brother, she just couldn't trust her father, she couldn't see him in the same light anymore and that broke her heart. But even so, there she was, wearing the guilt ridden necklace he bought her with intentions of buying her forgiveness, but it was just something she couldn't accept, she couldn't forgive his lie. Even still, she danced with him, held onto him like she used to when she was young, when she believed he was perfect, that they were all perfect, that she had to be perfect. Perfect was a way of Hastings life. She still danced with him, unable to even look at him in the eyes, unable to allow him to see her, she made sure to avert her eyes even though he tried to make conversation with her.

She just couldn't.

The past few weeks she learned acceptance, something not easily learned among the Hastings as none of them accepted anything less than the best, but obviously she needed to learn this time. It was more than a need, it was a survival necessity. If she didn't learn to accept she knew she would've gone crazy. But acceptance was not the same as forgiveness. She accepted, but she didn't forgive. Then after finding the check stub for $15,000 to "CASH," all she could feel was betrayed at another, possible but likely, lie from her father.

And there was Melissa and her smug, seemingly knowing eyes that studied her and everything around her. The more she thought, the more she felt Melissa was hiding something. She didn't believe that Melissa was only friends with Garrett, there was something more. But then, she saw Melissa break down when they found Ian. A killed Ian, A framed Ian, Melissa loved Ian. That's why the whole Melissa-threatening-Alison came from, she couldn't have had anything to do with Ian's death. Something was wrong, something didn't fit and Spencer needed to find out what that was. She didn't believe Melissa was A, but she was involved in this N.A.T. fiasco and therefore had some idea of who killed Alison. If not who, then she knew about the plot.

Spencer was getting a headache.

Then her mind wandered to Jason once again, thinking how he must feel. Probably feeling more alienated than before. Knowing he didn't quite belong with one family, now learning of his biological paternity and still not belonging, it was a wonder he didn't go mad himself. She needed to get in touch with him again to just talk. She made a mental note of that.

Then there was her dream she needed to figure out. The Other Voice kept saying she knew what it meant, and perhaps Spencer did, but it wasn't something she wanted to admit to herself because she had never had those thoughts or desires. She swallowed hard, and avoided her father's inquisitive stare, looking around for the subject of her dreams. Then she slightly shook her head, unwilling to go on with a thought process that wasn't really being allowed to go anywhere. It was something she didn't want to think about but deep down she knew she would have to sort things out, but she couldn't do it alone. Who could she turn to? Surely there was someone she could talk to, someone to help her organize the radical thoughts in her head about her best friend.

SSS

"Dad," Emily said as she danced with her father, "There's something I've been wanting to tell you."

"What is it Emmy?" Wayne Fields asked.

They stopped dancing and Emily lead her father to the side away from the dance area. She was nervous about telling him she was seeing someone new, but even more nervous telling him she was there and with _her_ father. One thing she couldn't decide was if she should tell him what Nick McCullers had done the last time she had seen him. Should she tell him how scared he made her?

Probably not.

Emily knew if she had told her father that someone scared her, he'd personally see to it that they would be left looking like something one would feel sorry for instead of afraid. She swallowed the lump in her throat and began, "Dad, I know the last time we really got to talk I told you about Maya, about how she left, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I've started seeing someone else."

"Oh?"

"Actually, I dated her before, but it didn't work out back then."

"But it's working out now?"

"Yes."

"Well," Wayne finally smiled, almost proudly at his daughter, "I'm glad that you were able to pick yourself back up so fast."

For a moment, Emily didn't say anything, she didn't want to tell him that the fire between Maya and her fizzled out long ago. Even still, that wasn't what she needed the breath for. It was the moment of truth for her, she needed to say what she needed to say before she completely lost her nerve and begged her father to go leave. "She's here tonight," she started, "With her father." It was choppy, it wasn't completely what she had wanted to say, but she got her point across because her father smirked and raised an eye brow.

Then he finished her thought, "So you want to introduce her?" Emily nodded. "Is she here?"

"Yeah, let me text her." Nervously, Emily pulled out her phone and began typing, having to edit a few times. Being so nervous always made her make typos. She sent the text and didn't have to wait long for the response. "She's by the refreshments. With her dad."

Wayne studied his daughter, it was obvious she was nervous but he could tell it was a typical type of nervousness that was someone introducing their parent to their significant other. He could see it there was something more, something deeper. "Emmy, are you alright?"

Emily was a little thrown by his question, surely she had been keeping her anxiety in check. Hadn't she? "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You look like you're waiting for a bomb to explode or something."

Emily softly laughed and smiled warmly at her father, she knew she was being overtly nervous for no reason. With her father behind her, there was nothing she couldn't face, nothing that she should be afraid of. Even A. "This way."

They began walking and before long, Paige and her father came into view. Paige looking anxious, but excited at the same time, _Wow, she really has grown into herself, _Emily thought with pride and smiled warmly at Paige. Nick McCullers on the other hand looked uncomfortable and as if he was wishing he could be anywhere else, and when he locked eyes on Emily and her father approaching, she swore she saw something in his stance change. It was as if his body language was screaming for Emily to stay away, but that could be in her head and she tried to ignore it by focusing on Paige, who was beaming.

When they reached the McCullers, Paige and Emily locked eyes and neither one could help the shy smile that formed itself onto their faces.

"Hey," Emily was the first to say.

"Hi," Paige replied.

"Dad," Emily turned to her father, "This is Paige and her father, Mr. McCullers."

"Hello," Wayne warmly said to Paige, "Pleased to meet you." Then he turned to Nick and held out his hand, "Wayne Fields."

Nick hesitantly took Wayne's hand and barely shook it. "We've met."

Though Wayne could tell Nick was being stand offish, he didn't allow that to deter him. He remembered what his wife had said, what this man had done when Emily had barely came out. It took all the patience he learned from the military to not deck his smug face. Nick was playing a dominance game and Wayne was just as good, if not better, so he straightened his back, squared his shoulders, made sure the buttons on his army dress uniform shone in the lights. "Ah, yes, but I'm sure it was a while ago. I've been back and forth in Iraq and Afghanistan. My memory isn't as clear as it used to be."

The tension between the fathers wasn't lost on the girls and Emily shifted on her feet a little uncomfortably while Paige glared at her father and said in a warning voice, "Dad, you promised."

Nick McCullers glanced at his daughter and saw Emily next to her and it brought a bad taste in his mouth and he clenched his jaw choosing to avert his eyes back to Wayne Fields. "Congratulations, Sarge," he said, his voice dripping with cynicism, "Excuse me." Then without another word, Nick left the group and headed for the men's restroom.

Paige sighed disappointedly and gave Emily an apologetic look, then turned to Mr. Fields and said, "I'm sorry about my dad. He's still having trouble accepting the fact that I'm…" she stopped and nodded her head slightly, not sure if she should say the word.

"It's fine," Wayne said, "There's no need for you to apologize." Paige smiled happily at him, showing her teeth brightly then turned to look at Emily, who in turn smiled back. Wayne couldn't help but notice the light that came off the two girls. "So, tell me, how'd you girls," he hesitated, "Get together?" He laughed after he had said that. "Sorry, I know that comes off very 'Dad' like."

Emily did look a little embarrassed but Paige laughed along with him and said, "It's fine. Uh, Em, you want to go over that?" Paige wasn't sure just how much Emily wanted to reveal, and truth be told, Paige was hoping she'd skip the part of her being a closet case, even to herself, and bullying Emily.

"Um, sure," Emily said and began her story.

Sure enough she'd skipped the bullying, but not necessarily Paige being in the closet. Paige was embarrassed but laughed it off. Wayne listened intently, making a comment here and there, but never judging. Paige couldn't help but love that and she got a little sad wishing her own father would have been just a little more accepting. She knew Emily had hit a wall with her mother but eventually Pam Fields did accept her daughter wholeheartedly; Nick had yet to even say his daughter was a lesbian.

After a little while, Wayne offered to get the girls some punch and walked off to retrieve the drinks. Emily glanced at Paige through the corner of her eye and saw that she was a bit distracted. "Paige?" she said, breaking Paige from her train of thoughts.

"Hmm?" she responded.

"You okay?"

Paige turned from looking at Mr. Fields to Emily and smiled a little weakly, "Yeah," she breathed out, "Just thinking how much cooler your dad is than mine."

Emily noticed the sadness in Paige's voice and she herself grew a little sad, "He'll come around one day."

Any happiness from Paige's face was gone, so was her confidence and her bravado, it was all gone, "What if he doesn't?" And suddenly Paige was that scared girl who was standing in the rain in front of her house at 11PM once again.

"He has to," Emily replied confidently. Then she put a hand on Paige's shoulder and pulled her into a tight hug, which was returned just as tightly. Slowly Emily pulled her head back and looked directly into Paige's eyes and, keeping her left arm wrapped around Paige, Emily's right arm came up and her hand touched Paige's cheek and she slowly leaned in and gently kissed Paige as if saying everything would be okay as long as she was with her. Together they'd be able to take on whatever came at them. When Emily pulled away, Paige leaned in again in a hug and placed her head on Emily's shoulder. Emily gently caressed her back and leaned her head against Paige's.

Opening her eyes, Emily noticed Spencer looking at them from across the room. Many bodies kept coming through, blocking their line of sight, but sure enough, Spencer and Emily locked eyes and Emily could almost feel heat coming at her from Spencer. Surely Spencer was angry, she hated Paige, but oddly, Emily just couldn't look angrily back at Spencer. Normally Emily would have gotten protective and defensive, but for some reason that was not completely unbeknownst to her, she felt drawn to Spencer's glare. Something pulled at her and suddenly that knot that over came her the night she spent the night at Spencer's came back and Emily knew what was going on.

She was attracted to Spencer, but then again, she had been for a while, she just never knew it. Of course, Spencer was a beautiful girl with a sharp and killer personality and she had her quirks, as did everyone. If Emily were to allow herself to think about it, she could figure when it was she became attracted to Spencer. It was only recently she became aware of it. And what a horrible time to become aware considering her newly rekindled relationship with Paige, someone who took the steps she needed to and _waited_ for Emily. How could Emily turn that away? Especially for someone she knew she had no chance with. Besides, Emily was attracted to Paige, she had been for a while and she was becoming more and more smitten with her as time went on. Confidence, calmness, and bravado was just so attractive, and yet, Paige could still be that scared girl Emily wanted to wrap her arms around and protect.

But then again, so could Spencer. In a lot of ways, Spencer and Paige were a lot alike; both strong personalities with odd quirks, both confident with extra to spare, both competitive, and yet, both could be vulnerable. In a way, they were the perfect girl for Emily.

Damn.

Confusion was always a bitch and Emily hated it when it consumed her before she came out and she hates it now while it makes her heart stretch and tries to rip it in two. _Well,_ she thought, _At least Spencer's straight._ Which made her choice a lot easier.

SSS

"Don't forget to smile," Peter Hastings said, tugging at Spencer as he turned back toward the camerawoman as she took the pictures.

But Spencer couldn't find it in herself to smile, even fake one. She just felt so phony being here, wearing the necklace, dancing with him as if everything could go back to the way it was before. Slowly her father began to dance with her again, and she dropped her head to the side and looked away.

"What's wrong?" he asked, tugging at her again, "Slow dance not your speed? Because I can get the DJ to pump up the jams a little if you want." Spencer smiled and let out the smallest laugh, but it wasn't of humor, it was of sadness. "No really, c'mon, bust a move with your old man, whaddya say?" He waited but Spencer didn't respond, "Spence, I'm really trying here."

She couldn't do this anymore and began to let go of her father before she said, "A little bit too hard." She walked away from him.

Peter wouldn't, no he couldn't let her go, "Wait, Spencer-"

"Dad," Spencer interrupted, turning around and facing him, "You kept a huge secret from us. And I don't want to do the same to you." She stopped and studied her father who looked calmly impatient, if that was even possible. "I went into your study today while you were at the club and you said you didn't pay Alison a cent."

"Because I didn't," he replied defensively.

"Well I found a check stub that would suggest differently."

"What check stub? Were you in my desk?" Now he was beginning to sound betrayed and angry. As if he had any right to.

"There was no date on it, but I know it was written around the time of Alison's disappearance." She shifted on her feet and placed her hands on her hips in a moment of shear heat, "$15,000 Dad, _exactly_ the amount that Ali had stashed away."

Peter shook his head, refusing to submit, "Look, I know we've had our trust issues lately, but that didn't give you the right to go into my desk."

"Because you've been so honest with us and I should just take your word, right?"

"Spencer-"

"No!" she snapped, "I just can't believe you anymore. How do I know that anything you've told me was true? How do I know?" She stopped, her eyes began to sting and she silently cursed herself because she had been crying too much lately. "I want to go home," she said with child-like finality and crossed her arms and walked past her father.

She was heading toward the exit when she noticed Emily and she stopped to look at her. Then her heart sank and her face burned when she saw she was talking to Paige McCullers and she was overcome with some kind of uber jealousy she had never felt before. It wasn't like seeing a boy she liked with another girl, or seeing someone with a better field hockey stick than hers, this was pure, unadulterated jealousy that would make the green eyed monster cower away and she swore she felt smoke blowing out of her eyes.

Then they kissed and it took all of Spencer's will power to not run over there and punch Paige square in the face. Spencer felt herself trembling as everyone around her, everyone in the room, in the building, her father, Jason, Melissa, A, every molecule of every_thing_ in the universe all melted away and it was just her and them. Just Spencer, Emily, and Paige, and when Emily opened her eyes and locked them with hers, all time stopped. She just stared and stood frozen in place, in time.

_Still don't know what your dream meant?_ the Other Voice asked.

_Shut up,_ she replied, never breaking eye contact with Emily.

_Don't be stupid. You were just overwhelmed with jealousy._

_Shut… Up._

_You can't deny it forever._

Spencer's jaw and fists clenched and her vision was beginning to tint over in red. She was livid. She needed to leave before she did something. It wouldn't take much considering the time she was having with her life so chaotic. Finally she broke eye contact and turned her head, taking a step forward and stopped. She wanted so badly to look at Emily again, but she knew if she did she would see Paige there, and given that her emotions were so off chart, she didn't trust herself and she nearly bolted for the door.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** I hit a wall plot wise so… Luckily I have this whole triangle worked out. The A plot is obviously stretched, but since the finale aired it'll probably be **_**very**_** stretched and anything with Duncan, who I really didn't like by the way, might be occur in a few more chapters.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own "Pretty Little Liars"**

**Space3876: So much can be said from looks.**

**anon: SSS is just my way to distinguish a scene change. It might be a little while still before they fully admit it, and even then I don't plan it to be all sunshine and lollipops. XD**

**Cha: Your reaction of bathing in words is enough! Wow! I love that I gave you that reaction, lol. If Lindsey were to be more of a regular, or at least more recurring, as much of a McFields/Paily fan I am, I don't want them to get together right away, I don't want Paige as a rebound. She's too good, and Lindsey Shaw is too good for that. So Wrencer scenes make you want to bathe in lava? Yikes. Well, you might want to skip a little in the first part of this chapter.**

**Spinoza-off: I never saw Wayne Fields as a typical army dad, lol, he's too soft. On a Grey's Anatomy note, I just keep picturing Arizona's dad and how he gave her authority issues; I don't see this with Emily and Wayne. Intense wordless scenes are so amazing. I'm very glad you think I nailed it. And yes, Wren and Alison can go to hell for reals.**

**Author's Note:**** I've been going back and forth trying to catch plot holes, I realized that was my self consciousness, and I couldn't quite find any but please, if someone sees any, lemme know? Also, from here on, I no longer have the episodes of PLL to go back and use scenes and lines from so it'll be mainly from memory. Please excuse me if the lines are all messed up, but I'll still try to follow the series plot.**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

It had been one hell of a night. The Father-Daughter dance was a disaster and seeing Emily with Paige in that embrace made her feel like never before. She had been livid and took off, not even giving her mind a moment to think or process anything. Worst of all, she didn't even go home, she went to Wren's. She was angry, probably momentarily insane, and she was in her little short, tight dress. She threw herself into his arms, once again cracking open one of his bottles, choosing whiskey this time and after two small glasses, the world was turning again, but not as bad this time. This time, she was able to grab Wren and drag him on top of her and let him ravage her. They kissed, bit each other's lips and necks, Wren slowly slipping off the straps of her dress.

Then the flash of memory of her dream came and there it was, she pulled back and saw Emily's soft, warm eyes staring at her, making her feel such calm, such ease, such love like she'd never felt before. Then she saw herself snake her hand around the back of Emily's neck, her fingers tangling themselves in her long, soft, silky hair.

But it wasn't soft, silky, long hair. It was short, thick, wavey man hair and it made Spencer focus on who was in front of her. Focus on who was on top of her. Focus on who's hands were running all over her.

"Stop," Spencer said. Any heat she was feeling was gone. She was cold and numb again, trying desperately to hold onto the warm sensation she felt when dream-kissing Emily, but reality has a tendency to ice over any good feelings. No one knew that better than Spencer.

Wren picked himself up a bit, panting and sporting a pink complexion, "You alright?"

"No," she replied and pushed at his shoulders indicating for him to get off of her.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" Wren asked while slightly panting.

Pausing, Spencer really thought about what she was doing and with her eyes fully opened and her mouth just hanging open slightly, she looked around her surroundings. As she took it all in, she realized what was really going on and it came at her so fast that it suffocated her and she was about ready to have a full blown panic attack. Her breathing increased, but she felt as if no air was entering her lungs. How stupid could she have been? She was dreaming about her best friend, getting ridiculously jealous that said best friend has a girlfriend, and what does she do? Runs to the guy she'd always been attracted to, but knows that nothing can ever come of whatever relationship they could have except raw passion. Speaking of passion, she had stupidly gotten drunk- second time in so many weeks- and once again seduced him, only this time, it had worked.

But she didn't really want it. The panic attack she was having now proved it.

"Spencer," Wren worriedly said as he grabbed her shoulders, "Look at me." There was worry in his voice, he knew what was going on with her. He needed to calm her down before something happened, "Spencer!"

Finally, Spencer looked up and locked onto his eyes. His sweet, warm eyes that were always so welcoming, but so mischievous and ultimately, untrustworthy with the heart. "I'm sorry," she barely managed to let out, "I can't."

Wren's eye brows bunched up in confusion, he was dumbfounded and couldn't figure out where he'd gone wrong. It didn't make sense to him, Spencer wasn't drunk, she showed up at his door and kissed him. Where did he go wrong? "What-"

"I've got to go," Spencer said right away and fixed her dress and gathered her belongings. "This was a mistake. We are a mistake."

"A mistake?" Wren stumbled over his words, "But, wait," he got up with Spencer, "I thought we had something." His words came out desperate and weak.

"Wren," Spencer said, almost in annoyance, "I'll admit, there's an attraction between us. Hell, I've wanted you since the day I met you but that's all that's between us. There can never be an 'us,' Wren."

"Is this about Toby?"

"What? No, it's not about Toby," Spencer said in offense.

"Then what? Spencer, I've been waiting for you for so long-"

"Wren, no. You and I would never work and it's not fair to just hook up just because we both want to. It's not fair to you especially because," she paused, unsure how to word what she needed to say, "My heart belongs elsewhere."

"To Toby," he said, not as a question but rather as clarification.

"No," Spencer said, shaking her head, "I don't exactly know and that's why I can't do this. I can't just use you as a distraction when I have to sort out my feelings."

Wren smiled mischievously, "I'm okay with you using me as a distraction."

In spite of herself, Spencer smiled, "I'm sure you are," then her smile dropped and she became serious again, "But I'm not. And I can't do it to myself either. I've been going crazy the past few weeks and I have to sort myself out. I'm sorry." Without another word, Spencer turned and left Wren standing shirtless in his living room.

Spencer walked about a block before pulling out her phone. She was tipsy, she was in a short dress, she knew she couldn't walk home without inviting trouble. Scrolling through her phone, she needed to call someone, she needed a ride. Passing, and briefly stopping at Emily's name her chest ached, she knew she couldn't call her and she didn't want to deal with Melissa considering she was beginning to get an uneasy feeling with her sister. Finally, she stopped at Jason's name and frowned. This was not the start of family bonding she wanted to start with him, but she really didn't have any choice, she knew she couldn't walk home.

Bringing the phone to her ear, she waited as the phone on the other end rang. "Please pickup," she breathed.

"_Hello?"_

"Jason!" Spencer couldn't help but excitedly shout his name.

"_Spencer?"_

"Yes! Hi," she stammered, "Are you busy right now? Like, at this moment?"

"_Why? What's going on?"_

"I really need to be picked up."

"_Picked up?"_

Spencer couldn't help but roll her eyes, "Yeah. I don't really want to explain over the phone."

Jason sighed on the other end, _"Where are you?"_

She told him her location and after about 20 minutes of waiting and feeling like a cheap hooker, Jason showed up. When Spencer rose from the steps of an apartment building, she tugged down her dress, once again feeling like a hooker, then felt sick for thinking such a thing since she was about to step into her half brother's car. She wobbled her way to the door, opened it, then all but fell in. She felt as if the whiskey became stronger after this half hour of not drinking because her head got fuzzy and she felt a little dizzy.

"What happened to you?" Jason asked, staring at her.

Spencer looked up with sad, eyes of a puppy that had gotten kicked, "Whiskey," was all that came out of her mouth.

Jason tightened his lips and sighed through his nose, "I'm going to need a better explanation than that."

All that came out of Spencer's mouth was a grumble as she closed her eyes, pouted, and leaned her head against her hand and faced the window. She was getting irrationally irritated by Jason and a part of her was trying to tell her drunker half that she was being unfair. It was she who called Jason and took him away from whatever he was doing and asked to be picked up and therefore forced into the disaster area of Hurricane Spencer even more than he wanted to be, more than he already was.

With a huff, Jason pulled over and put his car in park but didn't turn off the ignition and turned intently at Spencer and waited. Patience wasn't exactly a virtue that was Hastings, nor was it one Jason had learned in the DiLaurentis house, but apparently his sobering up and coming clean had taught him well and so he waited and watched Spencer as her head slowly lifted and slowly turned and her chocolate brown eyes slowly rose until they met Jason's baby blues. But God did he look like his mother, but even more so, she saw her father's structure, his inner workings go. She saw his gears moving behind his eyes, functioning exactly like hers.

"I don't know what's going on with me," Spencer blurted out truthfully.

Slowly Jason took a deep breath and exhaled in a way that if Spencer didn't know any better, she would have guessed he was annoyed, but he wasn't tense and he wasn't radiating annoyance when he turned off the ignition to the car and shifted so that his body was slightly facing her. "Go on," he said.

"Things were already weird for a while with my family before I found out about you and I just can't trust my dad. I think he's hiding something and I think Melissa is hiding something and I feel like everyone is hiding something from me except for you." She hadn't meant to say that last part, wanting to keep up some kind of guard, not wanting to give him 100% of her trust yet, but alcohol was a hell of a liquid and just made people blurt out things before they thought better of it. "And," she continued, "I feel like, I'm drowning. I can only imagine how you're dealing." She looked up and met his eyes.

Jason's usual hard stoned face softened and he breathed again closing his eyes. "Don't," he said opening his eyes again, "Worry about me. I'm doing okay." He paused and when he saw the reluctance in Spencer's gaze he added, "Really."

"Well," she said as her head turned forward, "I'm not."

"I can see that."

"I can't even trust myself."

"What do you mean?"

Spencer wasn't sure if she wanted to bring up her dream, nor was she sure- actually, she was definitely sure- if she wanted to talk about the dream of a perfect reality only to be turned upside down by locking lips with her best friend. Then to top it off, having incredibly jealous feelings rise up in flames inside her when she saw said best friend holding another girl whom she despises. But then again, she remembered she had the whole issue with Jonah and his address of an abandoned law firm that was very familiar to her. "Remember how I told you there was someone stalking Ali?" She looked at him and waited for a response, but all she got was him looking intense. "This guy, who Ali hired to find some information, gave us an address that originated those texts she was getting. It was some old law firm that looks like it's been abandoned for a while." He sighed heavily and turned away from her. "We were really hoping it would have lead somewhere."

Suddenly Jason's posture changed and he turned again to Spencer, "Is this smart? Digging into this?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Look," he paused and scrunched his eye brows together in a way that showed he was having difficulty forming words, "I wasn't the best brother to Alison," he looked and met Spencer's eyes, "And I'm sure I looked even worse to you but I don't want what happened to Alison to happen to you."

Dumbstruck, Spencer didn't know what to say, she was speechless. It was definitely not something she expected Jason to say; that he cared for her. It made Spencer feel good, made her feel like she wasn't alone because there was someone else who was just as lost as she was that wanted to watch out for her. Sure, Melissa had said she'd protect Spencer when she had invited Spencer to stay with her, but it had sounded so hallow, so fake that it made Spencer feel like she couldn't trust Melissa, and sure enough, she no longer did.

"I'm not going to start forcing Big Brother on you," he continued, "But I want you to know that I am here. I want to be the brother to you I wasn't to Alison."

"So it's like a redemption thing?" she asked, not meaning to sound sarcastic. "I didn't mean it like that," she quickly added, slightly mortified.

"No, don't worry, I get it," he paused and swallowed, "I dunno, maybe it is. Maybe it's guilt for how I was with Ali. I still loved her but I didn't protect her. It was one of my friends who killed her. In a way, I'm still responsible for her murder even if it wasn't me who killed her." His voice was beginning to sound haunted.

"You can't blame yourself."

"I know."

They stayed there, silent in the car for some time before Jason started the engine again and began driving. The drive to Spencer's house wasn't long, nor was it uncomfortable. In a way, it put Spencer a little at ease that now she had an ally in the chaotic Hastings world. But as always, Spencer's peace would be put to a halt when she saw the police cars parked in front of her house. Her heart all but jumped out of her chest and she literally willed herself not to bolt out of Jason's moving car.

"What the?" she said and as soon as the car stopped, Spencer got out, not waiting for Jason to say anything and made a mad dash for the front of her house.

There were no officers outside but that didn't do anything to ease her as she opened the door and saw her father standing and talking to two police officers. "Dad?"

"Spencer," he said strictly, "When you went into my desk, did you open the middle drawer?"

The way he asked was almost accusingly and for a split second Spencer was angry. "No, just the receipts like I told you." When he didn't say anything and turned away from her she asked, "Dad, what happened?"

"Someone broke into my office."

"What'd they take?"

"My gun," he replied without looking at her.

"What?"

"This is why I always told you never to go into my office," he said in an accusing tone, almost as if he blamed her for the missing gun.

"You think I had something to do with it?" She couldn't believe how the situation was turning out.

"I don't know. You might have damaged the lock when you were poking around."

Spencer was at a loss for words, her throat was dry and her knees grew weak, her mouth hung open and her eyes were wild with betrayal and disbelief. "All I did was tug on the locked drawer. Barely. Then I opened the unlocked ones. I didn't mess up the lock," she defended herself in a shaky voice. Her eyes glazed over and her throat burned and her eyes stung but she refused to cry, she refused to show any weakness in front of her father.

But still, she was hurt. She was broken.

So she ran up stairs and straight into her room and grabbed a back pack and opened it. She didn't have a plan, she didn't even know what exactly she was going to do except pack her back pack. She hurried to the window and saw Jason's car was gone, but he was still outside, probably waiting for some sort of sign from her that everything was okay. But it wasn't.

And she was desperate.

Quickly, Spencer grabbed her phone out of her purse and texted Jason; _"Don't leave yet."_ Then went back to her closet and pulled out a pair of jeans then went to her dresser for a blouse and a pair of underwear. Finally a big t-shirt and sweat pants. She zipped up her back pack, grabbed her tennis shoes and flew downstairs and darted out the front door before her father could even see her and ran straight for Jason.

She realized she didn't know how to ask him if she could stay at his place. She wasn't sure if it was the best idea but she didn't have any other options. She couldn't stay with Aria again, that'd raise way too many questions with Ella Montgomery. Hanna's was out because Emily was there, and besides, Emily and her phantom feelings about her was something Spencer didn't want to deal with. Jason was her only option.

When she walked up to him, he looked at her back pack then looked at her expectantly, knowing exactly what she wanted. She pleaded with him through her eyes that locked with his and he softened and exhaled as he gently placed a supportive hand on her shoulder and gave a small squeeze and lead her away from the Hastings nightmare.

_TBC…_

**Author's Note:**** The first part of this chapter I'm not happy with, and I'm not talking about the nasty Wrencer scene that makes me want to bathe, it took me a LONG two, maybe three weeks to write it, and I'm still not happy with it, but I kinda like the developing brother/sister thing I'm getting here with Spencer and Jason. It's REALLY gonna bug me to not use actual scenes from the episodes.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:**** "Pretty Little Liars" is property of Sara Shepard, Marlene King, and ABC Family.**

**Author's Note:**** I'm not happy with this chapter AT ALL. In fact, I think it's the worst one. It's rushed and very short.  
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_Let no love fall victim to circumstance…_

Circumstance

What an interesting couple of days it had been. After the disastrous Father-Daughter dance, Spencer confronted her father one last time in which he admitted where the money went. Apparently it went to a private investigator to search for evidence that Melissa had nothing to do with Alison's disappearance and eventual murder. It made Spencer sick that she might have been wrong about her sister. Just one more thing to add to the seemingly never ending list of things going wrong in Spencer's world. It was getting ridiculous. Next thing, Alison would just walk into her home some night and wake her up and say everything is just a game or some sort, some sick game.

Jonah had gotten back to Aria and admitted that there was another address he had and decided to give it to her out of a guilty conscience. Or something stupid. In any case, Spencer and the girls followed the address and ended up at a creepy doll shop that made her both scared and nauseated. But the weirdest thing, when Aria had gone to get a coat from Spencer's car, she grabbed Vivian's and put it on, a young man called out Vivian's name and then another monkey wrench was thrown into the works.

And here they were, sitting outside Lucky Leon's about to discuss the current situation waiting on Aria who was returning from getting a, iced coffee. She swooped in and sat next to Spencer, who barely moved.

"Well he recognized the coat. That's why he thought I was Alison," Aria said, "Or, Vivian."

"We noticed he didn't come back. He was gone," Emily said.

Hanna added, "He was cute from the back."

"So was his front," Aria paused, "Under different circumstances." Aria let out an ironic laugh that sounded more like a sigh. "He's been in Florida for, like, a year."

"What did you tell him," Spencer said, wanting to get to business, "Exactly." She made sure to be careful she would allow her frustrations to show. As bad as she wanted to just crawl into a hole and stay away from everyone, she knew she needed to be with her friends and figure out all the craziness. She also made extra sure not to meet Emily's eyes.

"I told him that I was a friend of Vivian's and that I hadn't seen her since she gave me the coat."

Spencer tiredly nodded and held out her hand, "Can I see that number again?"

Aria nodded and gave Spencer the piece of paper. Spencer read out his name, "Duncan Albert."

"He said he met her in Brookhaven?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, in a book store," Aria answered, "A couple places down from that creepy doll hospital."

Spencer spoke up, "Well whoever 'Duncan' is he's connected to Alison and what she wanted in Brookhaven." Then she looked up at Emily and met her eyes. It was almost as if she'd been shocked and she just couldn't look away from Emily. It was as if her heart sped up and got caught in her throat. She didn't want this, not now, not when things were so screwed up. A possible romantic feeling for Emily was not something she needed. She didn't want another heart ache among all the crap happening. Emily was happy- and it did sicken Spencer to think that- with Paige. Spencer hated Paige but as long as she didn't have to _see_ them together, Spencer could deal with her feelings alone. It'd make her crabby, but she'd deal. She had to.

"How do we know Duncan wasn't just some guy Ali flirted with in a book store?" Emily asked skeptically.

"I don't think Ali would have wasted Vivian on flirting. When she put on that wig she wanted something," Spencer said.

"She was looking for A," Hanna said without looking up.

"And Duncan was part of that trail," Emily added in realization.

Holding the paper with the number, Aria finally said "I'll call him."

"Aria," Spencer said, "You don't have to."

"Anyone of us could have been wearing that coat," Emily tried.

"But it was me," Aria reasoned. She smiled almost ironically, "Hey, might as well, right? I already went incognito with Jonah. What's another spy mission?"

With that the girls finished devising their plan which included Aria meeting with Duncan again and getting information. In the mean time, everyone else would be on standby, which meant Spencer got to be alone with her thoughts, thoughts she didn't trust to keep her happy. Spencer finally excused herself after a while and left her friends, especially Emily, looking at her inquisitively after her.

"What's been going on with Spencer?" Aria asked.

"Seriously, she's been more moody than usual," Hanna said.

Emily glared at her roommate, "Spencer's not usually moody."

"Uh, yeah she is. She's like the boss lady of doom."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Sure it does," Hanna said humorously, "She takes perfection to a whole new level. And when she's not, she turns into Boss Lady of Doom. We all suffer."

Emily couldn't help but be annoyed by Hanna and her choice of words with Spencer. She wanted to tell Hanna to shut her mouth, that she didn't know what Spencer had been going through the past few weeks, but she knew that wasn't her place. All she could do was tighten her lips and huff. She turned her head and looked in the direction that Spencer walked, she was now gone, but still, Emily felt a pull at her chest. She really didn't want to feel like this, she didn't want this heart ache. She had Paige now, and Paige was good for her. She was as close to a perfect match as one could be for her. No one would be perfect, no one could be perfect- as much as Spencer and her family tried- but Paige fit her.

With an internal groan, Emily took a long sip through the straw of her blended iced coffee and tuned out Aria and Hanna talking about Ezra and Caleb or something of the like. She supposed she could join the conversation and talk lovingly about Paige, but she didn't have the energy, she was too irritated by Hanna and too worried about Spencer.

It had been a while since they talked and Emily really wanted to talk about that look that Spencer gave her at the Father-Daughter dance. She needed to make sure Spencer would know that Paige was in her life, that Paige wasn't leaving any time soon. She was so sure Spencer was angry that she was with Paige because she had hated Paige, probably still does hate Paige for sins that should be forgotten. Emily sighed as she still stared down the block that Spencer had been on.

"Em!" Hanna's voice boomed into her ear.

"Huh?"

"What is up with you?"

"Yeah, it's like you're love struck or something," Aria said.

"Oh my god you are!" exclaimed Hanna with glee and excitement in her eyes, "Details. Now."

Emily felt like she was blindsided, her voice wouldn't find her for a moment. She wasn't keeping it that big of a secret about dating Paige, and it wasn't like Hanna and Aria were _completely_ against her dating Paige- no, that was Spencer's department. "Uh," was all that came out before Emily picked up her coffee and took a long drink from it.

"Enough with the eating around the bush! Spill!" Hanna all but shouted.

"It's 'beating around the bush,' Han," Aria corrected.

"Whatever! I just wanna know! Who is she?"

Taking another breath, Emily figured she might as well come clean. For crying out loud, her father knew, her mother knew, Spencer practically knew, she needed to tell Aria and Hanna. "Alright," she finally said, if a little defeated, "Alright, yes, I am seeing someone," she paused then closed her mouth and looked back down the block that Spencer had walked down many moments ago.

Spencer.

She had been invading Emily's thoughts quite a bit as of late.

But so was Paige.

Then Emily sighed and turned back to Aria and Hanna. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, especially to Hanna, Emily answered, "It's Paige."

Both Aria and Hanna were dumbfounded. Aria's eyes were big and wide and her mouth hung open ever so slightly whereas Hanna's jaw was tight and her eyes were a bit piercing.

"Huh," was all Aria could manage.

"Does she make you happy?" Hanna asked.

Emily looked at Hanna and thought for a moment. Of course Paige made her happy, there was no doubt about it. Paige was a completely upgraded person who handled and carried herself better than ever before. The only person who could compare would be Spencer-

Not fair. It wasn't fair to compare them. They were two different people and she was dating one of them, holding that girl's heart in her own hands. The other is straight.

"Of course she makes me happy," Emily answered, "I wouldn't be with her if she didn't."

"Good," Hanna said then her glare softened in an instant and then she was bubbly Hanna once again, "So how long have you guys been dating? Are you official girlfriends?" and a whole plethora of other questions, from both Hanna and Aria, were thrown at Emily, who answered as best as she could.

The three of them stayed a little while longer and chatted, which mainly consisted of Aria and Hanna bombarding Emily with questions, before finally departing ways.

Emily headed to her own house for the first time in weeks, a couple months to be more accurate. It was a different feeling going back to her own house instead of Hanna's. She couldn't deny she was happy about it. She was glad she could finally go her own way and hide. She really needed to sort out her head because there were too many thoughts and feelings and emotions that were too vague and jumbled and she needed to sort them.

She was infatuated with Spencer, that was obvious, but she was also infatuated with Paige. It was a pull at her heart she wasn't accustomed to. Falling for two people, it was straight out of a movie, or a soap opera considering their situation with A. It was something Emily really didn't want to deal with, nor did she want to bring it out in the open. Spencer was straight, she needed to keep that in her head, and Paige turned into this wonderful person she is proud to call her girlfriend. It wasn't fair to Paige to be smitten with another girl while dating her. Love in general wasn't always fair. Life wasn't fair. A's existence was definitely not fair. When Emily finally got to her car, she sighed as she got in, practically falling into the drivers seat.

She hated this situation she put herself in.

Well, not exactly put herself in, she couldn't control who she crushed on and she definitely couldn't control how many people she crushed on. Even still, she felt sick and guilty. She almost felt like she was emotionally cheating on Paige by liking Spencer, but in reality, she'd never cheat on any girlfriend. Emily wasn't that kind of person. She was with Paige and she'd stick by her.

_TBC..._

**Author's Note:**** Sorry for the short ass chapter. I know, it kinda sucked. Wasn't even 2000 words. Next chapter will be better. Promise. Maybe even little Spemily action FINALLY... Maybe... XD... No definitely, but subtle.  
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	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars." If I did, it'd be full of lesbians.**

**Author's Note:**** I still have to apologize for the last chapter, obviously I hit a nasty road block. This one will be better. Aaaaannnndddd... FINALLY a scene from the show that I couldn't find online so, obviously the words will be off. Forgive? Also, I really shouldn't be uploading this, but everyone deserves it. I'm caught up now, no more "few chapters ahead" which is a bad sign.  
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_Let no love fall victim to circumstance..._

Circumstance

The weekend was quick to end and school started again. From what Spencer was told, Hanna destroyed her cell phone after her mother had been asking for it for; God only knows why. Mona, of course, had a separate cell phone and gave it to Hanna to use so they all could keep in contact. It was all a blur for Spencer really, even some joke she made about Mona's entitlement she couldn't quite remember. Finally after some time, she excused herself from them, determined for some coffee. Her lack of caffeine was giving her an enormous headache and that was something she didn't want to deal with.

At least, she was grateful, she hadn't run into Emily making googly with Paige. Even the mental image made her sick. Then she became just angry at her reaction. Emily was allowed to find happiness, even if that happiness was in the arms of a psycho instead of her. _Dammit,_ she thought, as she paused at a crossing hallways, _Why am I thinking like that? How could I think _I _have fallen for her? I don't even know what I am anymore. I'm jealous and I don't even like girls._

Her inner monologue left her with a bitter taste in her mouth and her heart felt heavier than it had been all weekend. The thought, the longing, the want of Emily was not something she'd ever thought possible. She didn't know how to deal with it. Never in her 17 years had she ever had any sort of romantic feelings for any girl. Then it happens and it's her best friend, it's Emily.

It scared her. It scared her more than she'd like to admit. Had she missed it though? She'd been living a lie, after all and perhaps she had been hiding this underlining feeling her entire life? And only with the revelation, the truth of her family and her father's infidelity, was the truth about herself able to come to surface?

And maybe she was delusional. With a huff and a groan she walked on.

As soon as she passed the wall, the corner of her eye caught him.

Toby.

Spencer felt a sudden tsunami of emotions engulf her and swallow her whole, drowning her. It had been so long since she saw him, she had forgotten how much he meant to her. But were those feelings still the same?

He turned around and stopped dead in his tracks as she looked up and they locked eyes. His heart ached at the sight of Spencer. He wanted nothing more than to run up to her and wrap his arms around her, but he couldn't. His heart was still broken. He wouldn't allow her to go passed his guard again.

Spencer noticed his posture change, it became defensive as if he was protecting himself from something. Or from her. The thought made her sad and guilty that he was so hurt that he couldn't trust her again.

_Why would he?_ the Other Voice asked.

Spencer rolled her eyes internally, _Not now,_ she thought.

_He's right here, can you honestly say you still love him?_

_Of course I do!_

_In love?_

_He took my breath away, didn't he?_

_Did he? Or was it guilt for having to break his heart?_ Spencer had to admit, she wasn't sure. _And who has been consuming your thoughts for weeks now? Not Wren. Oh right, it's-_

_SHUT UP!_

_Hahaha, you know it's her. Oh, by the way, Toby's waiting..._

Spencer took in a shallow breath and began to walk forward, "Hello," she tentatively said.

"Hello," Toby replied, guardedly and crossed his arms.

Guilt plagued Spencer, rose up inside her until her heart was in her throat. "You're back," she stammered, "I mean, ob-obviously you're back," she paused again, feeling ridiculous, "Here you are!"

Toby barely moved, didn't uncrossed his arms. He refused to drop any part of his guard, even in the slightest, "Yeah, we're back." He had to make sure he included Jenna, he knew that Jenna was a sore spot for Spencer and her friends. As angry as he is, he was going to use anything to hurt Spencer, but even then, he couldn't hurt her too much. Not in the way she had hurt him.

Spencer sense hostility in him and she stilled herself and brought up a guard. She knew she had to brace herself for any arsenal of words he might use. "Are you okay?" she carefully asked.

"Fine."

"Je-Jenna's eye," she stuttered, trying desperately to stay calm and civil, "She- she got the surgery?" Lord but she was stuttering more than usual.

"Yeah she did." He wouldn't show emotion, he couldn't show her how much he was still hurting.

"Just the one eye?" It sounded stupid, she almost mentally slapped herself.

"They do it in one eye at a time," he answered, feeling a little tired of the small talk Spencer was trying to keep.

"How did it go?"

"Well, we don't know yet."

"I was," she hesitated, wondering if it was a good idea to change direction of the conversation, but considering his short answers so far, Spencer knew she had to take this direction, she had to show Toby that, despite everything, she still cared about him, even if she may no longer have those romantic feelings for him, "I was surprised to see you guys together."

"Why?" His tone was not friendly. He was so hurt and it took all his composure to keep himself together. Spencer had no right to question him, she lost that right when she sent Emily to end things between them, when she chose that British doctor over him.

The question took Spencer by surprise and she was stunned for a moment unable to put her thoughts together as quickly as she'd like. But still, she was a little irritated he'd even ask, "I don't know," but she did, "Act-Yes, I do, actually," now her irritation was coming out, "You went through so much to get away from her, now you're back to just guiding her around."

"Not for much longer," he didn't hold back his own irritation. Who was she to say this to him? "Besides, she's my sister." He hated calling Jenna that, but he was so angry and said it without thinking much, he just really wanted to irritate Spencer.

"_Step_-sister," she said, making emphasis on "step." She feared he was reverting back to a pawn for Jenna and they both worked hard together to break him away from that. Even still, she felt it was her fault, maybe it was, that he was back in Jenna's court.

"She's been through a lot," he said, his eyes bearing into Spencer's, "Worse than any of us," though he didn't find that completely true. Sure, Jenna lost her sight, but really, she deserved it, she was as close to evil as anyone could get. Possibly even more so than Alison DiLaurentis. Alison may have been mean, but she did protect those around her, those in her circle whereas Jenna abused them. But still, he wanted to make Spencer angry, he wanted to hurt her without hurting her. That was something he could never truly do, hurt her the way she hurt him. He just wanted to see her upset, if even a little. "That's coming to end. You better get used to that idea," he said, ending this conversation by pulling out his metaphorical blade.

"Toby," she softly said, knowing she needed to do something, anything, to keep him from becoming her pawn again, "I've been thinking about us," and though that was true, it wasn't how she made it sound.

"It's a little too late for that," he said, cutting off anything else she'd have added, effectively using his blade.

Spencer looked at him, defeated in that she failed to keep him safe. Everything was out of control, Spencer couldn't do anything right. Anything she held dear, to try and keep safe, her heart, her family, her values, everything was destroyed. She swallowed the lump in her throat and gave up,. "Take care of yourself, Toby," she said before walking away.

She walked with her back straight, taking care not to waver, despite feeling the urge to vomit. There was no way, as long as she could help it, no way she'd allow herself to look weak in front of him.

Once she was sure she was far enough away, she spotted a restroom and went inside, thanking the powers that be that it was empty. Quickly Spencer went into a stall and closed the door, locking it. She leaned her back against the door and stared at the toilet, at its off white porcelain self. The urge to vomit hadn't gone away yet and she was beginning to feel dizzy with emotions.

What did she feel?

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back until it touched the door and she breathed in deeply, ignoring the smell of public, recycled water. Seeing Toby again threw her back. It made her heart flutter and she didn't like it. But then again, it didn't flutter like it once did, it wasn't the same kind of flutter that happened before, when her attraction to him started. It was a guilty flutter. A "what have I done?" flutter. It was some kind of flutter no one should have to endure.

Opening her eyes again, Spencer looked back at the toilet and forced the lump down. She wouldn't throw up, in reality, there was nothing much in her stomach to throw up. With another breath, Spencer grabbed her belongings and exited the stall and re-entered the hallway as the break period was coming to an end and the next class would be starting and she really didn't want to miss.

SSS

Lunch time came and Spencer sat at a table in the mini courtyard with a book in her hand, but she wasn't reading it. She kept thinking about her dream and about Toby and her feelings for him and the little burn for Emily inside of her and her jealousy at Paige. It was all a big mix of emotions, a boiling pot really and it made everything difficult to focus on. Then add the craziness of home with her father's constant, indirect accusation that Spencer's meddling was the reason his gun was stolen, it was a wonder Spencer hadn't lost her sanity and gone on a killing spree. Although she would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about taking a bat to unsuspecting cars to release her frustration.

Emily walked into the courtyard, putting a book into her bag when she saw Spencer sitting at a table alone. Slowly Emily took a few steps and Spencer hadn't moved, that's when Emily realized Spencer wasn't even moving her eyes, therefore she wasn't reading the book she was holding which meant, undoubtedly, that Spencer was in deep thought. Given the circumstances of the recent events in her life, Emily would guess it was deep thought in despair. Emily stood still a moment and stared at her friend, her best friend, and took her in. Spencer had not been herself in months and it seemed that losing Toby, finding out her father's affair, everything was taking a toll on her. Especially now that Toby was back and helping Jenna after both of them worked so hard to get him away from her claws; it's definitely a wonder Spencer hadn't broken down.

But Spencer never breaks down. Never once and Emily couldn't help but admire that in her. It was something Emily had always wished of herself. Instead, Emily goes for a run, crying invisible tears and hides like a coward or stupidly goes into abandoned barns when all signs clearly say "DO NOT GO ALONE." And she always breaks down. She always lost her battles. But now it was Spencer who was fighting an inner demon and so far, she was holding her own and Emily wanted to be there to support her if she needed it.

_God, _Emily thought, _She's just so amazing._ A small smile crept onto Emily's face and she didn't even realize it got there, nor did she really control herself when her legs started moving forward. It took Emily a couple of seconds to fully grasp that she was moving and moving toward Spencer at that. Quickly she had to collect herself and swallow the nerves that built up and started to choke her. Once Emily got to the table she sat down as normal as she could manage.

Spencer was slightly startled when Emily sat down next to her. "Emily," Spencer said as she closed her book and turned slightly toward her best friend, "What's up?"

Emily smiled and shook her head gently, "Nothing much."

Both girls fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence. They hadn't spoken much for a while, not since the morning of discussing Duncan and even then it was strictly business.

"So," Emily started, shifting in her seat a bit, turning away from Spencer to fumble with her bag, "I saw Toby's back," she paused and looked at Spencer, trying to get a feel of her emotional level, "You okay?"

Spencer snorted, "Of course," she answered sarcastically, "Why wouldn't I be? I mean, it's only Toby, the boy who's heart I broke, making him run back to the evil step-sister he tried so desperately to escape from." Spencer turned and locked her eyes with Emily, "I'm just peachy."

"I'm sorry," Emily said sincerely, "It was a stupid question." She sighed softly and turned away from Spencer, feeling like an utter idiot for asking something with such an obvious answer.

"No," Spencer sighed, "Don't be. I'm sorry for snapping." Emily turned back at her and their eyes once again locked and Spencer's heart got caught in her throat. "Uh," she fumbled, "Let's... Let's not talk about Toby." Emily looked at her expectantly, "Let's not talk about me, okay?"

"Are you okay?" Emily asked worriedly, completely ignoring Spencer's request. She had been worried for a while for Spencer and she wanted more than anything to help Spencer, to take away the demons plaguing her the way Spencer always did for her. The smile that crept onto Spencer's face held no humor at all, it was a smile full of defeat and it terrified Emily. "Spence," Emily breathed her name and placed a warm hand on her shoulder.

At the contact, warmth filled Spencer almost immediately and she all but melted into Emily's touch. Toby and the world, forgotten. All that Spencer felt was Emily's hand on her shoulder, feeding her warmth and calm. It was like morphine, it was so euphoric that it took all of Spencer's will power to stay sitting straight and ever so slightly move away from Emily's touch. "Your dad," she breathily said, "H-how is he?" Spencer opened her eyes completely and looked into Emily's almost hazily.

The movement of Spencer inching away was almost so slight, Emily barely noticed it, but she did. Her chest ached when she realized it was her hand Spencer was moving away from. Spencer was moving away from _her_. When did they isolate each other? "Um," Emily started, but had trouble finding her voice, "He, uh," she cleared her throat, "He e-mailed me from Germany." She sighed and turned away facing forward, "I swear, I'm never gonna get used to him leaving." Emily inhaled deeply that her shoulders rose and exhaled through her nose.

Spencer instantly missed the contact of Emily's soft touch and when she saw her best friend's body slightly tremble, she knew it was because of her father. Mr. Fields, the one good father among the group's. Spencer couldn't help herself, she wrapped her arm around Emily's shoulders and leaned her head on her shoulder and gently placed her other hand on Emily's arm that was closest to her and gently squeezed it.

Instinctively Emily leaned her head on Spencer's head and placed her own hand on top of Spencer's. They stayed like that for a while. Both hearts, unknowingly to the other, swelling up with longing of something they believed they couldn't have.

_TBC..._

**Author's Note:**** Nothing to do with the fic but I just thought of something, I think Spencer and Emily are the only virgins left among the liars, aren't they? Hanna and Aria are big duhs, but I can't remember if Spence or Em blatantly slept with anyone? I bet Em slept with Maya. Now, on the fic's topic, I feel like my chapters are short. Do they at least leave you guys somewhat satisfied? I should work on that. And I found my fic on tumblr! I didn't know someone could link it like that. Interesting.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:**** I own EVERYTHING! HA!**

**Author's Note: I sort of died for about a week or so, like intellectually died. Nothing came out of my brain... But! I got my spark back! Currently working on chapter 13 (yes, I've caught up with my chapters, which isn't a good thing, but at this moment, it's not a bad thing) and I LIKE where it's going.  
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_Let no love fall victim to circumstance..._

Circumstance

Spencer and Emily stayed together for a while, leaning on each other, Emily giving Spencer the support she very much needed and Spencer happily taking it. It's been some time since Spencer started feeling vulnerable and exposed and even longer since she needed the support. Sure, Jason gave her some, with his admittance of accepting a brotherly role in her life, and although she trusted him, not completely, but did trust him enough to open up to him, however, he didn't know her well enough to give her the support she needed. Spencer never needed the protector, never needed someone to fight her battles, and she felt Jason might take that role since he was on a redemption path of sorts. What Spencer always needed was a support beam, someone to be there with their ears and arms opened. Someone she didn't necessarily have to talk to, but someone who was just _there._ Melissa was never that person and she only found that in her friends, but primarily Emily. Of course, there was a time when she had Toby, but he was no longer there, only a hallow space in her personal entourage of support. Her heart ached when she thought of him, of what she'd lost.

Emily cleared her throat and the sound rung in Spencer's ear bringing her out of her thought. Then she _really_ thought about where she was, how she was holding onto Emily. She felt heat on her cheeks and suddenly she felt extremely claustrophobic. Using all her will power, and even that which was on reserve, she managed to quell the impending panic attack that would have been disastrous.

However, the change in Spencer's body wasn't lost on Emily, who tilted her eyes toward her friend and furrowed her eye brows in confusion. _What's wrong with her? _she thought to herself as she squeezed Spencer's arm a little tighter in show of silent support.

Spencer finally moved away from Emily. Her throat felt extremely dry and stung. It almost felt as if it was bleeding, but that couldn't happen, not unless she was screaming her lungs out and didn't realize it. But if that were the case, Emily wouldn't be next to her. Spencer took in a breath and held it, locking her gaze onto Emily's. She could get lost in Emily's deep, brown, almond shaped eyes. So much warmth, so much kindness behind those eyes, yet still, they held pain. Pain Emily didn't allow anyone to see except when she wanted them. Only Spencer saw it because she was so close to Emily, literally and emotionally, looking into her eyes, baring into her soul.

Her soul. Eyes were the window to the soul.

Once again, Spencer suppressed a panic and looked away, breaking eye contact with Emily, not wanting her friend to see what secret she held, her longing for her. Finally Spencer let out the breath she held and her chest constricted. Suddenly, Spencer was washed with a feeling of such longing it was physically painful, that she leaned onto the table and almost heaved.

"Spencer!" Emily exclaimed as she grabbed her friend's shoulder and arm, "What happened? Are you alright?" she worriedly asked. She had been so enthralled in her gaze with Spencer she hadn't the time to acknowledge Spencer's sudden spell. Emily could have sworn she had seen something within Spencer's gaze. She searched and looked deeper into Spencer's eyes but she couldn't quite get past all the chaos within her. Emily got lost, but it was unfortunate that it wasn't the lost she wanted. It wasn't the blissful lost that people get with they stare into the eyes of their most important person. _Stop,_ Emily scolded herself, _You're with Paige, Spencer's straight, you're imagining things. Paige is so into you and you're into her. Don't look into things that aren't there, dummy._

"I'm fine," Spencer managed to breathe out, "I'm okay." She straightened up and held a hand to her chest to steady her breathing.

"What happened?" Emily asked, her hands still gripping Spencer's shoulders.

Spencer shook her head, "Trying to stop an anxiety attack." It wasn't completely a lie. "I'm okay. Promise." Spencer took a deep breath and slowly let it out before looking at Emily, smiling. "I need a coffee." Without another word, Spencer stood up and gathered her books and papers into a pile and picked them up.

Emily stared after her confused, but not wanting to leave her just yet. The little would-be anxiety attack scared Emily, she'd never seen such a thing happen to Spencer.

Both girls walked back into the building and down the hallway in silence. Emily couldn't help but be bewildered at Spencer's sudden anxiety attack. _Did she sense it?_ Emily thought, _Did she feel what I was feeling? Oh, God, she did. That _has_ to be it._ Then fear and shame washed over Emily. It was the only conclusion Emily could come up with, Spencer knew what Emily was feeling.

They turned the corner and were stopped by the last person Emily expected to see.

"Jason," Spencer said in surprise.

"Hey, Spencer," Jason said, "Emily."

"Hi," Emily said.

"Hey, listen," Jason began, "I got some of Alison's things, I've been through them but I'm not sure what to do with them"

"What kind of things?" Emily asked.

"They were in a bag that was left in the house when we moved out."

"So the bag has Ali's stuff in it?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, some of the things from her room," Jason answered, "I thought you guys might want to have a look."

"Yeah," Spencer quickly said.

"Okay, well, if you want I can stop by later and drop it off."

"Sounds great."

"Okay. Well, then you guys later." Jason gave a small smile and started walking back the way he came then disappeared.

"After school?" Emily asked.

Spencer nodded, "Yeah." Then she started up down the hall again. She couldn't help but smile how Emily invited herself, "You don't have stuff to do with Paige after school?" It didn't come off as bitter, Spencer made sure of it, but it wasn't happy-go-lucky either.

Emily caught onto the tone of forced civility, regardless she inwardly smiled at Spencer's attempt, "No," she answered, "Not till a little later."

"Where do you guys hang out anyways?" Spencer asked sincerely, "Because, I mean, Hanna's is a little crowded and I don't think Mr. McCullers is all that open, is he?"

Slowly and carefully Emily took a breath, "No, he's not," she answered, "But Mrs. McCullers is. Whenever Paige's dad is there, she makes sure he stays away from us. We mostly hang out in her room," she paused, "With her door open."

Spencer couldn't help but laugh, "Seriously?"

Emily smiled and closed her eyes bashfully, "Yeah."

"Odd," Spencer said and continued walking until they got to her locker. "I wonder what stuff Jason found."

Emily shrugged, "Who knows." She leaned her back against a locker as Spencer opened hers then asked, "So, how are you and Jason? How is everyone dealing?"

Spencer paused and didn't move for a moment. Then she glanced quickly at Emily before going back to the task of switching out her books before answering, "Pretty much everyone, except me, is ignoring it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she closed her locker then began walking again, "It's like my parents just don't want to deal with it. And then Jason is just all kinds of lost. Like he feels like he doesn't belong anywhere."

"I'd imagine so."

"I dunno," Spencer started, "I've been talking to him more lately. It just feels different. Like," she paused, "Like I can't even explain. I mean, I've known him for so long, I even hated him for a while," again she paused and ironically snorted, "I even thought he killed Ali, but now that I find out he's my brother... I just... It's weird."

Emily didn't know what to say, she was speechless. There was nothing she could say that would help Spencer's situation, her loss at feeling any kind of normalcy. So Emily did what Emily did best, she physically comforted by placing a gentle hand on Spencer's shoulder and softly rubbing it.

Just then the warning bell rang and kids began to head for their next class. Spencer groaned at the interruption and the imminent separation between the two. Spencer and Emily said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

Spencer got to her science class and sat at her assigned seat. Almost robotically she took out her books and materials and settled herself before the class officially started.

So much was happening and it was too fast. Her feelings for Emily seemed to be getting stronger and she really didn't want to deal with it. It was something she dreaded because it was a new experience and it was something so foreign she couldn't decipher it. She wasn't gay, she wasn't bisexual, she was boy crazy Spencer Hastings who always had a thing for her sister's boyfriends. Suddenly she was really wishing Emily wasn't going to go over later that evening.

The teacher came in and began writing things on the board. Spencer went into autopilot and copied things down for notes but didn't pay attention. Her mind was occupied by A, by Jason, by Alison's bag of goodies, and especially by Emily. The current object of her affection, despite all the bitterness she held. She internally sighed and huffed, hating the situation more and more as she continued to think about it.

Why? Why did things turn out like this?

Everything was always so messed up. Her entire life things were supposed to be perfect, they were supposed to be orderly but instead shit always hit the fan. Her chest was beginning to ache at the thought of Emily and not being able to hold her hand. But lord, was she getting ridiculous.

_No,_ she thought, _No, it's nothing. I don't have romantic feelings for her. It's not. I'm not gay, not bi, never had an interest in girls, I'm just being stupid._

_Keep telling yourself that,_ the Other Voice said.

_TBC..._

**Author's Note:**** Another short, filler chapter I'm not too proud of. My apologies. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own "Pretty Little Liars"**

**Author's Note:**** So, warning, this is a bit Paily/McFields heavy and Emily-centric chapter. I'm on a bit of a Paige kick because Lindsey Shaw was posting a crap ton of set pics with her and Shay Mitchell on twitter... AND they were tweeting each other like crazy for all the twitter-verse to see... And fangirl about... I think my soul belongs to twitter.**

_Let no love fall victim to circumstance..._

Circumstance

The end of the school day finally approached and Emily, arriving at her locker, was both excited and anxious to meet up with Spencer at her house and go through the bag Jason would bring. Another part of Emily was excited she would get to spend some time with Spencer playing Nancy Drew to Spencer's Veronica Mars. Slowing her movements, Emily smiled in spite of herself. Whenever they'd play their investigations, Emily realized she loved to be partnered up with Spencer because she was always so smart and would take charge better than any of them could. As much as she loved Hanna, she couldn't compare to Spencer. Sure, Hanna had the cut throat attitude, but Spencer was the strategic queen. Aria was always a follower, much like herself, only Aria could take the punches better than she could.

Emily stopped her movements entirely and frowned. She'd put herself into a slightly sour mood. She hated when she'd do that. Once again she felt self conscious about herself as a person, as a team mate among her friends because she was the weakest link. Spencer, Hanna, and Aria always had to pick her up whenever she fell down, they always had to pay for her stupid mistakes. First it was when Wilden caught her in the library, then the barn with the stupid shovel. The snowball of disaster was her fault, she was the catalyst. It was her that kept them drowning. Without her, maybe A would have lost fire power a long time ago. Maybe she _should_ have gone to Texas with her parents. Maybe that way everyone would have been safe?

There was an ache in Emily's chest. As she opened her locker to gather, and put away, books, she clenched her jaw, determined not to allow herself to feel this way. At least, not let her friends see it. Emily rubbed her hand against her face and ran it through her hair feeling stressed again.

"Hey!" a voice behind her exclaimed, fingers poking at her sides causing her to jump a bit.

"Paige," Emily said, turning and half forcing a smile. She met Paige's eyes and felt slightly better. It didn't take much to turn her smile into a mostly genuine one, but then she felt extremely guilty and whatever shine that was in her eyes at seeing her girlfriend faded.

The change did not go unnoticed to Paige, who scrunched her eye brows in confusion and worry, "Em, are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

Emily didn't break eye contact, her mouth opened and she breathed in but no words came out. Her mouth closed and she faked a smile and shook her head, "Yeah, I'm fine."

The smile wasn't returned and Paige wasn't fooled, "No, you're not," she said, grabbing one of Emily's hands gently, while the other moved to her upper arm, moving up to her shoulder, "What's wrong?"

Emily all but melted into Paige's touch, and a flash of Spencer flashed across her eyes and she bolted back up. "Just stressed," she said, "A lot of studying. I'm behind in history and chemistry."

Paige held Emily's gaze, she knew Emily was lying and she didn't really like it, but she let it slide, "Okay," she said, unconvincingly, letting go of Emily's hand and arm, "Well, if you need help, we can study together?"

Swallowing a giant lump in her throat, Emily nervously smiled and replied, "Thanks," she paused, feeling her pulse speed up, "I'm actually going over to Spencer's to study in a bit."

Taking a breath, Paige was silent for a moment and she tensed up a bit, "Spencer's" she whispered and hung her head looking down at her feet. After a beat, Paige brought up her head and forced a smile, "Okay," she said with feigned cheer, "Good. You're in good hands with Spencer." She couldn't help the slight jealousy in her tone. Inwardly, Paige kicked herself because she really didn't want to be jealous, nor did she want to show jealousy because she knew, logically, that she had nothing to be jealous about. Spencer was a straight girl who had been madly in love with Toby Cavanaugh and she was Emily's best friend. That was all.

Paige smiled and blinked as she stared at a stray strand of Emily's hair, which she slowly moved behind her ear, and took a deep breath, swallowed her pride and smiled again. "Will I see you tonight?" she asked hopefully.

At Paige's question, the look Paige was giving Emily, a mixture of fear, hope, and misery; it broke Emily's heart. A stinging sensation flowed through Emily's veins like poison, burning her. Eating her. She wanted to cry it damn near physically hurt so badly. It was like the weight of the world finally collapsed on her shoulders and everything scattered about, leaving her broken and battered to wander through the rubble, through the disaster alone.

"Em?" Paige said slightly above a whisper, fear outlining her voice.

"Yes," Emily said, snapping herself out of her post-apocalyptic thoughts, "Yes, I'll see you afterwards."

A small, very weak looking smile made its way onto Paige's face and a small, bright, spark reappeared in her eyes, "Okay," she said before leaning forward and giving Emily a soft, small, but affectionate kiss on the cheek. "Call me if anything, 'kay?" she said before turning away.

Without thinking, without warning, Emily's hand darted out and grabbed Paige's wrist, causing the other girl to stop dead at her heels and turn back around. Looking at Emily, perplexed, Paige said nothing, but looked at Emily expectantly, almost questioningly. Emily's mouth trembled slightly and her grip on Paige's wrist tightened ever so slightly as she all but yanked Paige toward her. Paige threw up her free hand, landing on the locker, to stop her from smashing into Emily completely while Emily's free hand wrapped itself behind Paige's neck and brought her closer in causing their mouths to collide in a fiery kiss that ignited something within Emily.

Paige, though dumbstruck, kissed back and so begun the fiery mess of their lips dancing, yet fighting. Emily brought Paige's body as close as humanly possible to her; she herself was now fully pinned against her locker. Paige's hand on one side of Emily's head, while the other clenched at Emily's soft, silky hair. Emily gripped onto Paige's belt loops on her jeans and pulled her hips so that they were both touching.

Both girls continued to kiss passionately, their tongues danced with each other; nothing soft or chaste in their kiss. Emily kissed as if her life, and her sanity, depended on it and moved one hand up Paige's body before snaking around her neck once again and pulled at her more.

"Erm," Paige mumbled through their kiss, "M-Em," she tried to pull away as Emily continued to push her head forward, "Em." Finally, Paige used both her hands, placing them on Emily's shoulders, and pushed Emily away slightly, holding her back. She couldn't even get her words, nor her thoughts together as her eyes closed and she tilted her head down, trying to slow her breath. "Wow," she breathed through a smirk. Her eyes opened and she looked up at Emily, still smirking, "Where did that come from?"

"Just been doing a some thinking," Emily replied.

"About attacking my lips?"

Emily let out a small chuckle, "No," she paused, "Just about us," another pause as she looked intently at Paige. Guilt poisoned her veins and ate at her heart. She knew she _had_ to make her and Paige work. It was a question of doing what was right. She held Paige's heart in her hands and she had an obligation to take care of it. "About how much I care about you," Emily added. It was the truth, she did care for Paige immensely, there was no need to convince herself of it.

She only had to convince herself that she didn't like Spencer in the same sense.

Paige's eyes softened, her smile warm and genuine, looked at Emily and her heart swelled. Her hands came up and cupped Emily's face and she brought their faces closer and brought their lips together in a soft, yet hard and passionate kiss. When Paige pulled away, her eyes were slowly opening and locked with Emily's. "You mean the world to me, Emily," she said softly, her voice full of emotion.

"You too," Emily's softly replied. However, her tone, although full of emotion, wasn't exactly the same as Paige's. She felt horrible.

"See you tonight," Paige said, a smile brighter than the sun on her face. She turned and walked away, her smile never fading.

Once Paige was out of view, Emily quickly turned around and stuck her head in her locker, her shoulders leaning against the doorway; she sighed heavily. This was not what she wanted to feel, this utter guilt as she was so torn by this and she damn near wanted to shut the locker door on her head because as least that way she'd be able to focus on something other than her heart and her boiling pot of feelings and emotions. After a moment Emily finally got her head out of her locker and softly groaned. Her head was heavy, a boulder ready to fall off a cliff and roll down the slope, causing mayhem in its path; but she couldn't allow it. She wouldn't allow it. She couldn't afford it.

Gathering up her emotions, she knew what she needed to do; she'd box up her emotions, her feelings, all of it and strap the box to a rocket and send the rocket to the sun. She was now sending the rocket away.

There.

It was done.

Taking a deep, refreshing breath of air anew, Emily knew things would go back to the way they were. She will go back to being Spencer's best friend, ally to the girls, the weakest link of course, and Paige's girlfriend. Things would go back to a time before she realized her feelings- when did the start anyways?- for Spencer.

Finally Emily finished gathering up her things, zipped up her bag, closed her locker and took one step before her phone beeped. Stopping, Emily pulled out her cell and checked the text message.

_"Keep on lying. -A"_

Furrowing her eye brows, Emily thought to herself, _What the hell does that mean?_ She looked up from her phone and around the hall, seeing students chatting with each other, reading a book, texting; could be anyone of them. Anybody in this hallways could be A or one of A's lackeys, a part of the A-team. Emily swallowed hard and put her phone back into her bag and begun walking again toward the student parking lot.

Within a few minutes she reached her car, unlocked it, threw her bag inside, and finally got inside herself. She turned on the ignition and after about 30 seconds she began to drive.

It didn't take long for Emily to get to Spencer's. By the time she arrived, Jason was already there. After parking her car, Emily got out and strode to the Hastings door and before she could even knock, Spencer opened the door with a welcoming smile and stepped aside.

"Come on in," she said and motioned Emily toward the kitchen where Jason stood, the duffle back on the island counter.

"Hey, Jason," Emily greeted with a small wave.

"Hey, Emily," he replied.

Once Spencer closed and locked the front door, she rejoined Emily and Jason in the kitchen and placed her hands on either side of the bag, on the counter top. "Shall I do the honors?" she asked, motioning to the bag. Neither Jason nor Emily had any objections so Spencer unzipped it and opened the bag for all the world to see.

Only it looked like junk and crumpled papers.

"What is this?" Spencer asked to no one in particular.

Jason shook his head, "That's what was in there."

Emily leaned in and reach forward, grabbing and torn postcard, "You know how secretive Ali was." She turned the card around.

"Lots of things were codes for something or another," Spencer thoughtfully added while grabbing a piece of crumpled news paper then staring at it for a moment before dismissing it.

"It just looked like a bunch of junk to me," Jason said, "But I thought you guys might want to have a look at it."

"No-yeah, we did. Thanks," Spencer said, looking at Jason and smiled thankfully.

Jason didn't say anything except shrug.

After a few minutes of rummaging through the bag, Veronica Hastings walked into the room from the hallway, "Hello, girls," then she stopped dead in her tracks, "Jason," she half greeted, half shocked, "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying not to make it sound accusingly and rude, but not being very successful.

"Just dropping off a bag of Alison's things. I figured Spencer might want to take a look through them before I donated them," he replied. No defensiveness in his tone, only respect. He was really trying.

"Okay," Veronica started, "Well, that shouldn't take too long, right?" It came out more of a statement rather than a question.

"Was just on my way out." Jason turned to Spencer, "Take your time with the bag." He smiled an awkward, uncomfortable smile.

"Thanks," Spencer replied, "I'll call you later."

With that, Jason rose from the stool he was occupying, said a quick goodbye to Emily, which was returned, and one to Veronica, which wasn't returned as much, and left.

Spencer turned to her mother, her eyes big and waiting.

Veronica moved to the cupboard, "I hope this isn't a usual thing you do," she said while grabbing a cup.

"What do you mean?" Spencer asked, standing up from the bar stool.

Emily shifted awkwardly in her bar stool and tried as hard as she could to become a fly on the wall.

Veronica closed the cupboard and opened the refrigerator, grabbing the pitcher of water, "What do you think I mean?" She poured water into her glass, "I don't want you getting involved with Jason DiLaurentis." She took a drink from her glass.

"Mom, he's my brother."

Veronica's jaw clenched as she stole a glance at Emily, who stood still and unmoving. "Half-brother."

"He's my family," Spencer reasoned. _Family_. There's that word again, a word that's changed its meaning so many times in the past couple months. "Someone has to keep things civil."

"That's not your job."

"Who else, Mom? Huh? I don't see Dad lining up," Spencer paused, staring intently at her mother, "Besides," she continued, "He's different now. He's not that frat, party boy he used to be. He's a decent guy."

Emily shifted in her seat again. She couldn't help but admire Spencer, looking at her standing up to her mother in a battle of wits and confidence.

Veronica looked at her daughter, slightly proud, but mostly irritated. Her and her husband definitely taught her to pick her battles well and taught her how to fight her battles. There was so much in Spencer that was her when she was a teenager. "Just be careful," she finally said, wanting to end this. It had been a tiring week and she didn't feel up to dueling with her daughter. Finally Veronica walked back into the hallway and disappeared, leaving Spencer and Emily alone.

It took Spencer a few moments before she finally moved and went to the cupboard. "Want something to drink?" Spencer asked Emily, not turning around.

Without words, Spencer grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard and poured water into it and handed it to Emily, who took it saying her thanks and taking a sip. Spencer herself grabbed another coffee mug, but put the water back and pulled out cranberry juice. Silently she poured the juice into the mug and took a drink. It was as if she was a robot in her movements of recapping the jug of juice and placing it back in the fridge. Emily couldn't help but notice most of the life was drained out of Spencer. The whole ordeal of her family really took a toll on her, more than Emily would have thought/.

"You okay?" Emily carefully asked, slowly putting the mug down, slightly afraid to move.

Downing the rest of the juice, Spencer put the mug on the counter and faced away from Emily, "I'm not sure," she honestly answered. After a moment, after a few breaths, still turned away from Emily, Spencer's lips trembled and her jaw clenched. "No," she said, "I'm not." Finally, tears that have been snarling at their cages, tears that have been yearning for freedom finally broke through the barriers that prevented them from being free, now they raged out. Tears flowed down Spencer's cheeks like wild, uncontrollable rivers and she was no longer able to contain herself and let out a powerful and painful sob that took her down to the floor to her knees.

Not wasting a moment, Emily rose from her seat and bolted toward Spencer and kneeled, wrapping her friend with her strong arms. "Spence," Emily whispered as Spencer's face buried itself into the crook of Emily's neck. She clutched onto Emily's shirt, onto Emily's arm, even her hair; Emily was Spencer's lifeline. Finally the walls, the stone castle walls that Spencer had always kept so guard and strong and sturdy, finally they collapsed and Spencer couldn't hold herself any longer as the sobs she let out made her body nearly convulse.

An inaudible mumble came from Spencer, something that could have been an apology of sorts, but Emily couldn't be _sure_. "Shh," Emily soothed, "It's okay. I'm here." _Keep crying, _Emily thought, _You keep crying until your heart's content._ It was something her grandmother always said whenever a young Emily would cry from getting her feelings hurt.

A heart can only take so much before it needs a good cry.

"Everything," Spencer said, not moving herself from Emily, "Everything is just so screwed up." Her breathing calmed, her sobs subsided, but the tears kept flowing and she couldn't let go of Emily. Not yet. Lord, she was so close to her. She could hear Emily's heart beating in her chest which in turn made her own heart pound so hard she swore it was about to break through her chest cavity.

Emily said nothing except hold Spencer tighter, using one hand to rub her back.

"Things have been so crazy in my head lately," she started. _No, _she thought, _I can't, not now. Shut up, Spencer!_ "I keep having that dream and I keep kissing someone at the end. First it was Toby but then he changes." _SHUT UP!_ her mind screamed, but she couldn't stop talking. The confession was happening and it wouldn't be stopped.

Emily tensed up. She still held onto Spencer, but her movements stopped. Her heart all but stopped and she couldn't tell if she was still breathing or not and to be honest, she didn't care.

"I couldn't figure out who it was," Spencer continued, "I assumed it was Wren," she paused, gripping tighter onto Emily because if she let go, she'd fall into a black hole, "But it wasn't Wren."

It was official, Emily was no longer breathing.

"It was you," Spencer whispered.

There it was. The confession out in the open in all its glory for all to see.

Emily finally let go of the breath she held and took another in slowly while moving away from Spencer and locked eyes with her best friend. She stared deep into them, saw so much anguish and pain and confusion but also something else. Something she had seen before but refused to admit was there and gave it another name. Emily stole a glance as Spencer's lips before darting back up to her eyes and slowly but surely leaned inward.

In this moment, time stood still, nothing moved. The birds chirping outside weren't heard, the cars speeding outside were silent, nothing around them had meaning. Finally, their lips met in a soft kiss, right there on the kitchen floor where no one else in the house, in the town of Rosewood, in the world existed except for them.

_TBC..._

**Author's Note:**** WOW! That came out better than I imagined... At least, I hope it did. Did you guys like it? It's only been proof read once, and I was the one who proof read it, so I hope there aren't too many mistakes. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Author's Note: Finally, right? Now, if there are any mistakes, please let me now, grammatical or otherwise because I didn't proof read this one.  
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_Let no love fall victim to circumstance..._

Circumstance

There they were, Spencer Hastings and Emily Fields on the kitchen floor of the Hastings home, Spencer having cried only moments before, kissing each other. Neither girl would have ever thought this would have been possible. It wasn't something that either had ever dreamed would become a reality. It was a new sensation, so different than anything either had felt before.

Kissing Spencer was so much different than kissing Alison had ever been. Of course, Alison never actually kissed Emily back whereas right now, Spencer had her hands in her hair and enjoying her lips making contact with Emily's.

It was cloud nine for both of them.

Neither girl could hear anything, all there was, was them and the other's lips. Spencer paused a moment, exhaled heavily, and took a handful of Emily's silky hair and practically squeezed it before attacking Emily's lips once again. Emily was slightly taken back but didn't mind her hair being pulled ever so slightly. In fact, it caused Emily to grab hold of Spencer's shirt and pull her closer as their mouths battled even harder. It wasn't long before their tongues began to dance with one another. Truthfully, neither girl could honestly say who was the first one to dart out their tongue, they just knew they loved the feeling.

_"You mean the world to me, Emily."_

Emily's eyes darted open and she pulled away from Spencer and turned her head, mortified at what she had just done. Her eyes went wide and there was a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach that almost made her want to vomit. She had cheated on Paige. "Oh god," she whispered and placed a shaky hand over her mouth.

Spencer slowly opened her eyes and was looking down at her hands. Had all this really happened? Had she really been making out with Emily? Her best friend? The object of- What exactly? Spencer closed her mouth, clenched her jaw, and sighed through her nose. She knew what had happened and what she was feeling. She had romantic feelings for Emily. "I'm sorry," Spencer whispered.

Looking up, as if surprised Spencer was next to her, Emily looked at her with her eyes wide and unbelieving, mouth hanging open in pure horrific shock. No words formed in her throat and all she could do was shake her head.

"I like you," Spencer hoarsely said, finally admitting out loud what she, and her Other Voice, already knew.

Emily's expression didn't change as her whole body tensed up. "No," she finally managed to get out. She backed up, away from Spencer and scrambled to her feet. "You can't," she said, "You can't like me."

Spencer elegantly rose to her feet. "I do."

"No," Emily said with finality, "You're confused with everything that's been going on with your family and with Toby."

Spencer closed her eyes and chuckled while shaking her head, "Em," she opened her eyes again and looked into Emily's, "I know exactly what's going on. I've been denying it for weeks now."

"For weeks?"

"Yes, for weeks." Spencer paused and looked around the kitchen before continuing, "I'm not even sure when it started but I finally admitted what I feel for you, it's more than what a friend should feel for another friend."

"You're straight."

"So were you, once."

Emily scrunched her eye brows, "No, I wasn't," she clarified, albeit a bit offended, "I always knew there was something off with me, especially when I was with Ben."

"Well, there's always been something off with me."

"Spencer, you're not gay."

Spencer closed her eyes and sighed in annoyance. Why was Emily being so difficult about this? "Maybe not, but what if it's something else? Feelings for someone don't just happen."

"No, they don't" Emily agreed, "But people don't just changed their sexuality either."

"Look, Em," Spencer took a step forward, "I'm not saying I'm gay all of a sudden, or even that I'm bi, maybe questioning, but I do know that I've been going through a lot these past few months and you're the only person on my mind, the only person I can depend on, and the only person I want to be around. I had that recurring dream of this perfect world and I started kissing Toby and he turned into you."

Placing an unsteady hand on the kitchen island, Emily felt a little overwhelmed. It was hard to deny that there was something different between them every since their movie night and Emily didn't want to believe what it could have been. Now she knows what it was, something that she secretly hoped for but why now? Why at all? Why did it have to come just as she was getting serious with Paige?

Paige!

Emily's eyes widened in shock, hurt, and anger as she looked up and locked eyes with Spencer. She took a strong step forward and said with an accusing tone, "This is about Paige, isn't it?"

"What?" Spencer was taken back. She was expecting something else, not Paige's name to be thrown at her. Why would Emily bring that up? "What do you mean?"

Emily laughed, "Oh, Spencer, don't play with me. You hate Paige."

"So?" Why should Spencer deny that?

"You hate Paige, so much, you're playing with me to get her away from me." It was silly, a part of Emily even knew it was silly. Spencer would never go through such lengths to prove a point, not this way. That wasn't Spencer, but Emily was so furious, she couldn't think straight and Logical Emily was locked up in a closet where Irrational Emily had the key.

"You really think I'd make this up just because I hate Paige McCullers?"

"Why not?"

"Oh my god, Emily!" Spencer nearly shouted and threw her arms up in frustration, "Where the hell did you come up with that ridiculous idea?!"

"You have _never_ shown any interest in any girl!"

"So?!"

"So this makes sense!" No, it didn't and Logical Emily knew it. "You got me to kiss you meaning I just cheated on Paige." Emily stopped, her heart skipped a beat and she felt like she was just punched in the throat, "Oh god," she whispered, "I cheated on Paige." Emily stepped back and braced herself on the island, afraid she'd fall. "I cheated on Paige," she repeated.

The anger and frustration died down in Spencer when she saw Emily, seeing her body language told her just how Emily felt. She remembered how horrible she felt kissing both Ian and Wren when they were with Melissa, she'd hurt her sister- Even though, now, she didn't care about her much. She could only imagine how Emily must be feeling. She knew Emily felt strongly about Paige and suddenly, Spencer herself felt bad, not for Paige, but for how Emily was feeling. "Em, I'm sorry," she said as she moved forward and touched Emily's arm.

Emily pulled away, quickly as if she'd just touched a hot pan. "Don't," she snapped, fire in her eyes, "I can't do this, Spencer." Emily took to her feet and started for the door. "This didn't happen," Emily said before looking at Spencer, hand on the door, "We're not talking about this." With that, Emily walked past the threshold and closed the door behind her.

Spencer stood in her kitchen, disbelieving, unable to accept what had just transpired between Emily and herself. She had admitted her feelings out loud, to herself and to Emily, even kissed her, then they fought and Emily accused her of doing this solely in the hopes of breaking her up with Paige. It was ridiculous to say the least, but partially, remotely, really, had the tiniest ounce of truth in it. She did want Paige out of the picture, but it wasn't _solely_ because she hated Paige. She did have romantic feelings for Emily, but couldn't quite figure what she wanted to do with them, she only knew she had to kiss Emily, bbut did she want anything else? Spencer couldn't answer that yet, it was completely new and horrifying territory. She hadn't planned anything, not even the admittance or the kiss. Those had just happened on their own.

Her eyes stung badly and burned as she choked on a lump in her throat. One enormous sob escaped her and she clutched her chest. It all hurt so much, so very, very much that Spencer had to brace herself on the island but even that couldn't stop her as she pummeled to the floor. The bar stool getting knocked over as Spencer fell in a heap.

What had she done?

It was a disaster greater than she could ever have imagined. It was a horrible disaster, she'd ruined her friendship and confused herself even more.

_Why?_ she thought to herself, _Why couldn't I just ignore it?_

Breathing was difficult, she didn't think she got one good breath of air into her lungs in the past few minutes as her head began to hurt and she fought the urge to vomit. It was such a disaster and really, she didn't know what to do from here. Usually she was Disaster-Prep-Spencer, first in action, first prepared for any emergency but this time, nothing came to her.

The entire world drained of color as her vision cleared and the sobs subsided. Everything was grey and lifeless and slow. Spencer turned her head, her vision following a few seconds too slow as the world blurred for a moment before catching up with her. She used the bar stools to get herself back to her feet, although she was shaky and uneven, she eventually managed. Spencer sniffed, realizing she could barely breathe from her nose, and rubbed it with her hand.

She was completely disoriented without even taking any drugs. She might as well have been on something. Why not? How much worse could it get? With that, Spencer turned ungracefully on her heels and wobbled toward her parent's liquor cabinet. Her parents, bless them, trusted Spencer to never take what she shouldn't, but now, here she was, grabbing a bottle of whiskey. Spencer slowly rose, cradling the bottle in her hands as if it were gold. With care, Spencer twisted the cap off and took a small, difficult whiff of the alcohol and nearly heaved. It was strong.

Kissing Emily replayed in her mind and with new resolve she took a swig from the bottle. Her mouth burned, her throat burned, everything burned. It was different than the tequila she had that night she ran into Wren. This was spicey, it was intense and the burning followed down her esophagus into the pit of her stomach. For a second, Spencer thought she was going to vomit, the alcohol was so strong. She waited a minute for the after taste to die down before taking another swig. Again, the liquid burned down her throat and again she held back the urge to vomit. Spencer repeated this several times before, finally, the alcohol kicked in, making the world slow down with her rapid eye movements.

_Tonight was such a disaster,_ Spencer thought. She was haphazardly seated, partially laying, on the couch in her barn house. _How'd I get in here?_ she thoughtfully asked herself, _Doesn't matter. I messed up big time._ She took another drink, now much easier to go down. Her head hung in despair as she wobbled her way toward and through the back door, across the yard, still taking bigger and bigger swigs from the bottle, making her way to the barn house.

Barn house.

Spencer stood in front of the barn house, wavering a bit, glaring at the house as if it were the epitome of all the horrors that's happened in the past year. In some wicked, twisted way, it was. It was here that all five of them had their last sleep over where Alison was center stage and decided to get away for a bit, never returning. That was the beginning of her nightmare and all Spencer could do was glare at it as she took an even bigger swig from the whiskey bottle.

_Doesn't taste like anything now,_ she thought to herself, taking yet another swig. Nearly losing her balance, Spencer struggled to walk forward before finally reaching the door and nearly slamming her head against it. Somewhere far away she hear the sound of a car engine starting. Or was it in her own driveway? She struggled to concentrate as she swallowed the saliva that built up in her mouth. The car engine began to move away and as she turned and leaned her back and head against the door and caught a glimpse of the trunk of her mother's car as it left the property.

Spencer scoffed at the thought her father not being home, being in Philadelphia once again on "business," her mother would leave to wherever and not tell her anything.

Slowly Spencer's body began to slide down until she hit the ground with a thud and slouched and hung her head. New, fresh tears fell freely from her face in new sadness that now, she was truly alone. Her family was nothing more than hollow shells of people who live with her, Jason is still such a mystery yet, he was one person she could kind of, sort of trust, at least compared to her father and Melissa, but she couldn't always bother him. The relationship was new and he had already seen her drunk once, picked her up from Wren's building and let her crash at his house; she couldn't do that again, and her friends, that was a whole other deal.

Spencer chuckled an uneasy, humorless chuckle and took a longer drink from the bottle. Her friends all had their own demons to battle. Aria, bless her, was dealing with her parents, particularly her father being a hypocrite about her relationship with Ezra while Hanna dealt with whatever it was she was dealing with, Spencer couldn't remember, and of course she had just blown things up with Emily. Who did she have?

No one.

Haphazardly setting the bottle down, Spencer buried her face in her hands and began to cry, all alone on the steps of the Hastings barn house.

_TBC..._

**Author's Note:**** Gahhh, it's getting harder and harder to write... But I have SOOO many ideas...**


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